Blank Page

Hello white screen.

I’m here to stare at you again.

I have hopes that your magic powers of illumination will draw the Words from my brain.

Pulling them from the core of me, as my eyes stare beyond you into Universes still unknown to the world.

Yet you sit there.  Empty.

You are the one with greater power, scaring my ideas away.

Intimidating me, with your flashy white teeth, the ink wont bleed and discolor your face.

Perhaps we need to chat about my pursuits.

You see, I am trying to write a story.

As you flash the cursor line at me, blinking anxiously as my fingers wait to patter away at the keys…..

This is nonsense.  I should be greater than you!  I can slay you with that tiny little X at the top corner!  I can will you to go away!

……however, this causes me more problems than it does you.  You will smile one last time with a wicked laugh as you flash away victorious.

How do we meld our minds so that we might summon the words peacefully?  Drawing from my inner pool of creation as one might a fountain?

Blank page, I think of you all the day long.  I think of the words I might put to you.  The stories I anxiously wish to tell…..

And yet you remain.  Here.  Untouched.

Intimacy we should share!  My heart would overflow to you in a precarious romance, in which I slaughter my soul at the eyes of the world.

Summon from me words.  I beg you.

Draw each of them out.  Rend my soul if you must.  Just let them flow.

Blank Pages

Glaring white stares blankly at me.

The pages beg to be filled, and yet the words don’t come.

Nothing comes.

A jumble, a mess.  A train crash of thoughts scattered about.

To have sanity.  A semblance of direction, even just a moment when everything might be still.

Transitioning, they call it.  Becoming something new.  Entering something new.  Stepping out in the world alone.

But not so alone.  Compassion guides with a steady hand, and two young ones depend entirely on me.

And still the page stares blank.  The pen wont move.  The words don’t form.

How is one to write fiction, when surrealism has taken over?  It all feels as fiction might.  Pushing against the fourth wall, trying to break free of the confines one has fallen into.

When will security come so Creativity might flow?  When does anything make sense again?

And still the page stares.  Empty.

Beautiful Potential

Precious little girl, you are more than this.

The darkness that consumes you, and breathes into your life has no power to remain there.

Sweetest little child, you are not judged by the darkness that you surround yourself in.  You’re free to let it go.

I know it protects you.  It keeps your sins from coming to light.

But do you know what else it does?  It tears you away from your potential.  It keeps you from accomplishing the things you were meant to.

You are so gifted, your heart is beautiful.  The words pouring out of your soul are worth reading, and worth being put on the shelves.  Your words were meant to be read, they were meant to be enjoyed.  

You have friends to join you in this Quest.

You have friends invested in your success.

You have support that loves you, they delight in you.

You have hope because they wont leave you until the Journey is done.

It’s beautiful, embrace it.

Your mind, your heart, your desires, your passions.  You are Beautiful and worthy of so much more.

Let go of the Darkness.  Let go of the Bondage and embrace your potential.

It is worth it.

Unplugged

So many of my URL friends are familiar with my grievances against Facebook and the forced switch mobile users had to make to the Messenger app.

I hate it.  I love it’s conveniently designed instant messaging, I love it’s convenient chat feature, and the stickers, and that I can talk to everyone in the world…..

But I hate the app itself for its invasive required accesses, and how it makes my phone lag.

Lately, I’ve been considering my Relevance to society and whether or not Social Media actually needs me around.  If I could slip away, how many of my URL friends would notice?

What is my relevance?  I’m a Writer like hundreds of other people.  I don’t have anything else to say advice-wise that others haven’t said before me.

I’m honest and to the point, sit down and write.  Everything else can wait.

I can give you writing prompts, but there are literally hundreds of other people who have done/are doing that very thing.

All sorts of A-Type people are conquering the world, and doing what I do-only they’re much more upfront and straight forward about it.

I stop and feel the sunshine, and smell the roses, and mourn the passing of dead fish, and roadkill, and am distracted by everything around me.  I day dream all day long and forget I didn’t write any of it down.

It’s not a good thing, however.  I really need to hone in and find some kind of Groundwire, or I’ll waste my entire life away, having never published the world of Eldegras.

Perhaps the world will end.  But people will still want to read books.

Perhaps nuclear bombs will destroy America, and our economy will collapse, and I’ll have wasted away my time procrastinating instead of publishing a book.

It doesn’t matter how or what happens, if I never pursue my dreams, they’ll never come true.  No amount of wishing on stars and meteors will help.

Am I relevant?  Is my book worth it?  Is someone going to read it?  Love it?  Want more of it?

Every B-Type personality has this struggle.  We feel Deeply, and in feeling Deeply, we carry more than our own weight on our shoulders.

At the end of the day, we’re exhausted from smiling and interacting with the World from the Surface.  Our thoughts and emotions attack us in the dark and keep us up for hours.

That’s why Writers drink so much caffeine.  ((Coffee, tea….))  oh, and alcohol of course.

Maybe one day I’ll figure it out, come out of the other side of this block, and have my series finished.
Maybe one day.

Perhaps it starts by unplugging.  Turning off Social Media and the inner turmoil our brains encounter interacting with it.  We’re wired to crave community.  But must we crave it so much it controls us?

Checking to see if someone checked on you.  Checking to see if someone commented.  Checking to just kill time mindlessly.

Relying on these interactions to feel fulfilled by fellow human  beings who share common interests –like killing time on the Internet.
Whatever it is, it starts with a choice.  A rally to action to Do The Thing!  And to believe in yourself enough to do it well.

New Things

Hello followers and friends.
I have been out of pocket in many, many places.  But I hope to find my way Home.
Meanwhile, I have a new phone so I signed into my WP App for the first time just now.  It was strange.

I have a new laptop battery and power cord on the way!  ……so I haven’t been on my computer in almost a week.  I’m so behind on everything!
I ALSO have a new Vlog on YouTube!

My username is Skarletteetchings, and here is the link to my intro video! 

Prevent forest fires, friends.
Other new things…. hmmmm….

No.  Not really.
I can’t write lately.  My brain wont let me.  So much going on inside of it, and so little time to myself, it’s so hard having an imagination and the responsibilities of Life.  Meanwhile I live in the world of Eldegras in my head, but somehow I forgot how to extract it to the page.  So slow in progression lately.  It makes me sad.
I miss writing and expressing myself through the pen.

I miss sharing my thoughts here.

I miss having coherent thoughts.  Parenting and motherhood seems to destroy your ability to think, remember, produce anything more than macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes because you’re too tired to make that three course dinner you had planned… before the zucchini molded in the refrigerator.  You know, the one you bought last Friday that was supposed to be cooked on Monday?
Awesome things happening for my author friends though.  Books being publised, trips being planned, people being met!  Oh the joys of life.

A debut and promotion for Thomas Atwood is happening this week on the blog!  **highly dependent on when I receive my Life Packs to sustain my laptop……
Keep ya posted on new stuffses as it arrives.
Peace!

Procrastination

Hello friends!
I don’t know if anybody even follows me anymore.  This might just be a shout out in the dark.

I just submitted a third short story for publication.  I’m going to be featured in another anthology!
The premise of the project was to write outside of your usual comfortzone.
My usual genre is High Fantasy/Fantasy.  The category picked for me was Noir.
After looking up what that meant, I was tickled by the anticipation to write a 1940’s conflict.
The first scene came to me in black and white.  I watched it play out live a movie in my head.  And then the next scene followed.  And…. and…. and then….

Well, then I was stuck, see?
So I spent a few weeks trying to get a handle on the story and feel out the way it wanted to be written.

Finally, as the deadline rapidly approaches, I’ve conqured the Voice and am writing at it every moment I get.

Today I finished the final edits and off it went.  Now I wait to know if they liked it, and whether or not I did a good job.

So, Procrastination.  Thats the name of the game.  And each generation does it the same.
Personally, I deal strongly with the idea that I’m a Nobody, and my stories and tales aren’t worth the effort.  Somebody will never read them.  Somebody wont like them.  Anybody can see that I’ve written a book, but as a Nobody, Anybody could leave the book sitting there unopened.

This depression and loathesome style of Self-Worth is entirely common.  Much too common.

Tonight I finished day 2 of a pretty hardcore workout challenge.  It’s not Insanity, it’s a simple challenge that’s amped up to get you going.
I started it yesterday ((obviously)), and the motivation to workout and stick with it is high!  Motivation pumping, my adrenaline is like, “Lets kick this Booty in the Butt!”
And then tomorrow morning will come.  And I’ll face down the depression all over again.

An endless cycle of procrastination and looming deadlines, because I feel inadequate to write the book.  Publish the book.  Make people want the book- in essence, make them want me.

It’s why I barely write here.  I don’t know how to garner a Following, I don’t know how to promote myself.  I don’t even know what I’m doing.

….but little by little I’m doing it.
I’m writing.  I’m making myself heard.  I’m striving to meet the Goal before me, and get into my Pre-Pregnancy jeans!  My wedding dress!  A new ball gown by Nobember!

……my own High Fantasy novel sitting on shelves in Barnes and Noble.  *is struck with starry-eyed dreams*
Going to Fantasy conventions, Comic-Con, Con-DFW, etc….
Feeling the gratification of knowing I am a /Somebody/ instead of a Nobody.

Yeah.  So that’s me.
How are you?

It Starts With A Step

Standing in the middle of the room, the walls seem as though they’re closing in.
The door is cracked open, light gently peering in.  Not enough to cause the darkness to flee.  Only just enough to remind there is light on the other side.

It only takes a few short steps to get to the door.  To enter the hallway and be washed in that light.  And yet, we hesitate.

The raging emotions, terrifying us.  Anxiety taking our breath away.

What’s in the hallway?  Will it kill us?
Will it attack?  Will it hate us?

Alone we continue to suffocate in the darkness.

It drives us insane.  Wanting out, wanting to stay.  Wanting to be free, wanting to stay hidden in the darkness.
Will you choose Freedom?

It only takes a step.  One little step at a time to conquer the darkness.
Freedom begins when you let yourself move.  When you take that first step toward change.