Rejection : The Common Core

I remember crying as you watched

My heart aching

Breaking down and not understanding why

I trusted you

I trusted you with my soul

You broke it

It’s never been the same since you

Rejection

A nine letter word, so tiny in the vernacular

And yet it shreds us to pieces

Our first rejection shadows us

Creating the lense we see ourselves through

One rejection after the next

We conclude it is us that is the problem

We cause others to deny our worth

We cry out for validation!

Validate me! Validate me!

Again and again to face rejection

The monsters enslaving us

Causing us to sin–

They rejected us first

And we reject ourselves ever since

We are not good enough

We are not intelligent

We are not beautiful

I am not beautiful

I am the itching scabs of leprosy

Oozing from the wounds that never heal

Loving the loudest

Loving the longest

Loving so no one knows this pain

Pushing away and building the walls to keep you from seeing the wounded animal I am inside

I’m terrified if you knew my pain you’d see that I’m a fraud

I am the perception Rejection has spoken over me

You create

You sing

You play

For I am unworthy to speak the voices and sing the notes of my Fantasies inside

Rejection visited me, too, and I had nowhere to hide

Promise of Affliction

Don’t speak.

Words hurt.

Don’t try to pursue the chaos.

It’s poisonous.

I’m cyanide.

I will only shatter you to pieces.

Don’t come too close.

I’m far too gone to save.

What kind of life do I promise?

What kind of joy could I bring?

The madness spins and spins.

Straw is turning to ash.

How can a broken heart produce gold?

Pretend with me the world is okay.

Pretend with me that I never hurt.

This box can cram shut.

Demons skipping around the room,

Laughing as the pieces continue to scatter.

Lament with me over the broken pieces.

And when I’ve stopped weeping, just go.

Wounded hearts feel the deepest of hope.

They feel the deepest heartache.

Chaos rages into the night.

The Dark is snickering.

Why?  What was my problem?

How could I be so easily disposable,

And so easily adored?

I’m a suicide note waiting to happen.

I’m good at pushing loved ones away.

I’m even better at hiding that anything was ever wrong.

And to think this chaos only started last week.

A sealed box of history past crashed open.

Suddenly a lifetime of memories feel like they happened yesterday.