Molds Are Made To Be Broken

Have you ever felt like you just don’t fit, no matter how hard you try?

Everyone has an idea of how you should behave, what you should believe, what you should do, how you should do it, what you should be like, how you should talk, how you shouldn’t talk, how you should make sure not to offend anybody – and they all push these ideas onto you, in reality doing all of the things TO you that they say you shouldn’t be doing to anyone else!

It gets tiresome and frustrating. Especially when what I do is based entirely on my religious convictions according to God’s Word and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

I don’t mind being ridiculed for them, but eventually it becomes exhausting. Standing up for what is Right is not at all easy. Nothing about it is easy. Nothing about this is easy.
It’s not fun to be outcasted or muted by your “friends”, to be called names and shunned…
Losing friends isn’t any fun either, or being held to their standards and judged because you’re different.

Being of a diffferent perspective of Faith, a different concept of Spiritual beliefs outside of denominational teaching and traditions, having right-leaning political beliefs, having Holistic values in healthcare, being an herbalist, being an Activist for fundamental Freedoms and Rights – it’s emotionally exhausting.

But– if I stopped, and I gave in to silence, what does that benefit anyone?
Sure. I can decide I don’t care about not feeling at home in a church this side of Heaven, and not deeply bonding in Spiritual connection with believers around me.

I can worship God as I desire despite being judged. Whatever are they judging me for anyway? Standing up with arms spread wide worshiping our Creator? How silly is that? They’re the ones who put ashes on their foreheads to show off that they’re fasting. According to Scripture, we’re to fast in private (Matthew 6:16-18), and worship on the mountain tops. (John 4:21-24).

It’s hard to find common grounds in a crowded room.
It’s hard to stand up for what is Right in a world that doesn’t care about the Freedoms they don’t even know they’re losing.

I don’t mind being Brave, and walking alone.
I don’t mind not fitting into your mold of who I should or shouldn’t be.

We were told all through our formative teenage years to be Ourselves, be true to who God created us to be…. and then when we get into the World, nobody wants us to be our true selves. It’s a dark kind of ironic.

Personally, I have had enough of the church. I, like most other disenfranchised believer, am tired of how the Denominations have treated people – and myself included. If I didn’t go back to church ever, I’d be okay with that. However, my spirit LONGS to connect with other Believers in the Depths of the mysteries of God. To have intellectual conversations about deep Biblical Truths. To discuss the BEAUTY of the Human Body and how God created it in perfect order, and how we’re screwing it up in so many way with “modern medicine”. To discuss the wonderful plants that God gave us, and how to use them as He designed for the benefit of our health and wellness.

To talk about Spiritual Warfare and dive headfirst into freeing people from Spiritual Bondage. Identifying Satan at work in their lives, and sending the demons packing.

To talk about the Holy Spirit alive in the Believers, and Prophetically minister to one another.

To pray in tongues in a group of Believers committing ourselves to intercessory prayer, entirely directed by the Holy Spirit as He guides, and discuss what happened with joy to other Believers – not to be condemned for doing these things.

To discuss the amazing power of Creation and how Science points toward the TRUTHS of God as Creator.

Why must there be so much division and persecution? Why must those of us who whole-heartedly pursue an AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL God be shamed for desiring Him more?

Why must the people who fight so hard for what is Right and Just be laughed at and mocked?

I desire to be who GOD created me to be, and He has always mattered most of all.

Who Is Your Savior?

WHO IS YOUR SAVIOR_

Here in the United States of America, our churches have cancelled services all across the country during one of the most important times of the Christian year. This being, our reflection on the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of our faith. If Jesus did not shed his blood, as the ultimate sacrifice for all of us, there would be no redemption for our souls.

In the last 100 years, somehow American’s have gotten caught up in the idea that only doctors can save our mortal bodies. They do whatever the doctor tells them to, and take whatever medication is prescribed without a second thought.

It has gotten so bad in Western society, if you even question the medical community – which we all know is severely imperfect – you’re automatically labeled anti-science, and written off as an idiot.

God established perfect order for the world, even to the point He gave us plants that would heal our ailments and illnesses. Ailments and illnesses we have because of the Curse.

The Creator of the Universe loves us so much He planned every last detail of our Exile.
As I sit and write this, my heart is overwhelmed with joy and sorrow by this concept.

Christianity in the world today is a ritual. We go to church, we sing about God, we go home and we do not include that same God in our daily lives.

We don’t ask Him if what we do is good for us, or if what the doctor has given us would be best for our bodies. We put more Faith and Trust in the snake on the staff, than we do our own God.

Many times in Scripture, Jesus addresses the Pharisees at the core of the issue – they are not acting in the interest of God, they are acting on behalf of their own idea of God.

Matthew 15:1-20 is where we’re going to start.

Then Pharisees and scribes came to Jesus from Jerusalem and said, “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands before they eat.”
He answered them, “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever speaks evil of father or mother must surely die.’ But you say that whoever tells father or mother, ‘Whatever support you might have had from me is given to God,’ then that person need not honor the father. So, for the sake of your tradition, you make void the word of God. You hypocrites! Isaiah prophesied rightly about you when he said:

‘This people honors me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me;
in vain do they worship me,
teaching human precepts as doctrines.’ ((Isaiah 29:13-16))”

Then he called the crowd to him and said to them, “Listen and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles.”
Then the disciples approached and said to him, “Do you know that the Pharisees took offense when they heard what you said?”
He answered, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be uprooted. Let them alone; they are blind guides of the blind. And if one blind person guides another, both will fall into a pit.”
But Peter said to him, “Explain this parable to us.”

Then he said, “Are you also still without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth enters the stomach, and goes out into the sewer? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this is what defiles. For out of the heart come evil intentions, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile.”

Kind of an appropriate place to start in this current plague, the Pharisees come up to Jesus and they’re like, “Hey, why don’t your disciples wash their hands before they eat? Because- it’s what we teach, and it’s one of our traditions.”

Hygiene is very important. Let’s all stop and acknowledge this. Road signs off the highway currently tell us to wash our hands. Washing hands prevents the spread of disease and keeps people healthy. BUT! Jesus doesn’t care about the washing of hands, Jesus cares about their motives.

His response to them is, “why do you break the commandments of God for the sake of your tradition?” In the recording of this story in Mark 7, it says Jesus also added “You neatly set aside the commandment of God to maintain your own tradition.”

What traditions do we follow in our society that set aside the Commands of God?

You might be saying, “Jesus fulfilled the Law, the Law doesn’t matter anymore” and according to some denominational teachings, you would be correct in your perspective. However, if you further study on your own outside of leaning on the understanding of your pastor and denominational doctrines, you will find this is untrue.

Jesus came to be the ultimate sacrifice and therefore we no longer have to sacrifice animals for our redemption, but through the law, Paul says, we become conscious of sin.

Jesus re-established during his time on earth, it is not the law that matters, it is how WE interact with GOD that matters.

Paul is pretty concrete when he says you can’t serve two masters. You have to pick one.
Either GOD is most important, or the Traditions of Man is most important.

Satan is an evil, frustrating demon. From the beginning of time he has been looking for the opportunity to become greater than God. Each time he has ascended to “greatness” God has knocked him right back down through the Glory of His Goodness and supreme reign over the Universe.

So, along comes the Serpent to establish a new, fresh way of conquering God and His people. Their health and wellness.

Let’s talk a minute about the Snake on the Staff. The real one, of course. From the Bible.

Read with me in Numbers 21:4-9

They traveled from Mount Hor along the route to the Red Sea, to go around Edom. But the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!”
Then the Lord sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many Israelites died. The people came to Moses and said, “We sinned when we spoke against the Lord and against you. Pray that the Lord will take the snakes away from us.” So Moses prayed for the people.
The Lord said to Moses, “Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live.” So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, they lived.

Ironic, right?

Jesus references the snake on the staff is a symbol of HIS own death and salvation.

In the beginning of His ministry, one of the Pharisees came to Jesus and asked Him who He was and what He had been sent by God to do. ((John 3:1-21))

We’re only going to look into a small part of the passage for right now:

No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven—the Son of Man. Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

vs 13-16

Our salvation is entirely dependent on the sacrifice of Christ, who was lifted up on a cross to shed his blood for US.

Is your faith and trust dependent on the medical community “finding a cure” or “creating a vaccine”, or is it in the God of the Universe who has already planned ahead of time this would happen, and gave us the cures to our illnesses in nature?

This Resurrection season, it is seriously time to focus in on who your savior is.

If it is Christ, Serve HIM.

Therefore this is what the Holy One of Israel says:

“Because you have rejected this message,
relied on oppression
and depended on deceit,
this sin will become for you
like a high wall, cracked and bulging,
that collapses suddenly, in an instant.
It will break in pieces like pottery,
shattered so mercilessly
that among its pieces not a fragment will be found
for taking coals from a hearth
or scooping water out of a cistern.”

“Go up to Gilead and get balm,
Virgin Daughter Egypt.
But you try many medicines in vain;
there is no healing for you.

Inspiration

Three weeks ago I took my daughter to see Frozen II.

The entire Frozen series has brought me immense joy.  The characters are memorable and we adore them, the stories are full of relatable materials- and Frozen Fever is so cute.

The Dragon Prince on Netflix has also been a fun and enjoyable series to watch.  There is evil, there is sunshine, there is darkness, there is light.  It’s a journey, the characters have personalities, quirks, interests–

In Eldegras, these are qualities I wish my stories to have.  I’ve read so many fantasy books and so few of them have the same interest in their characters that I wish to have.  My rough drafts sometimes feel like scripts, as I am very invested in dialoguing and conversating.  If the characters never talk, how can we grow to love them?

The Mandalorian is on Disney+ and my author husband loves it.  However, I’ve not enjoyed it as much, because in the beginning there was a great deal of staring into nowhere and not talking.  You don’t really know what’s going on, or what they’re doing, they never say anything.  I imagine this is how many Fantasy books would play out as well.
Show don’t tell is a big thing with many writers.  Robin Hobb, RA Salvator – they go pages and pages painting the imagination with what is happening, but never interacting with the characters.  It’s frustrating!
However on the flip side, Robert Jordan popped several characters in and out of his first scene in the Wheel of Time series, and while I’m more into those kinds of memorable moments I need to remember NOT to do such things so we have a better understanding of what’s going on.
Or there is Terry Goodkind, who breaks down into an emotional scene between two women during a torture invested interrogation……

Back to Frozen and The Dragon Prince, these two joyful series alone have rekindled my imagination for my books, however, even right now as I try to compose this blog, my child is crying for my attention and I need to get up and do things.

As a mother of 3, one being 10 months old on Friday – it’s been so hard to write.  I long to express myself, but without letting the words free, they get blocked off and the inspiration dies.

Part of the long drawn out attempt to write this- it’s a fourth rewriting of this series.  After all of these years, sitting on my computer harddrive, you’d think one would be published?  No.  I’ve written and rewritten this series to the point of frustration, and let advice and opinions slip into my writing.  Being a people pleaser I’ve allowed the opinions to drown out my joy.

But Frozen is so similarly expressed with it’s characters and storytelling that I really want to pursue writing mine again.  And therefore, I am.  We’re trickling out words oh so slowly, but they’re coming!
I’m writing two in the series at the same time, and it’s been quite fun to do.  One is brand new to the series, and the other collectively rewrites about four books.  Four.

Yes, I’ve invested so much time and world building into this series, and revamped it, and am starting over on a new spark, and let me tell you everything is harder with kids and husbands!  Stopping the flow to take care of kids, stopping the trying to flow to take care of the home, stopping the flow to go shopping, to make dinner, to have space in my own head to decompress for the day–

Last night I spent some time recreating hair color.  One day a few months back, my husband was playing Fire Emblem, and I decided my high fantasy realm would be a world of unusual colors.  Hair color changes took place in my elves.

My mind is always brainstorming in this world, even if the writing is not happening.
Once a writer, always a writer.  Once an artist, always an artist.  We’re constantly enveloped in the worlds our imagination creates, this will never die within us.  The words might not come, the art might not come, but it’s always there.

What inspires you today?  What are you writing?

Remnants of the Past

I remember a different life.  You can’t hold that against me.
I hold to a different way. You can’t hold that against me.
All the pain I hide inside, all of me that’s wasting away.
All the memories of a distant life, they’re fading out slowly.

You never wanted me for who I was, but only what you could see.
You never wanted me for who I am, but what you want in me.
I tried my hardest to continue pushing on,
But I can’t push on if I don’t know what I’m fighting for.
I tried my hardest, but my hardest is gone
I can’t push on if I don’t know what I’m fighting for.

I remember a different life.  You can’t hold that against me.
I hold to a different way.  You can’t hold that against me.
All the pain I hide inside, all of me that’s wasting away.
All the memories of a distant life, they’re fading out slowly.

 

Streams of Living Water

Ezekiel 47:1-12

Where God has established His name, and His Glory, there are rivers of living water flowing from Heaven.  And they exist to bring the people Life.

There was a time I had a vision of waters flowing down from heaven, and these waters spread in four directions, as they fell to the platform and flowed out to empty room that would soon be a sanctuary.  The ceiling opened up to heaven, for God had established that this would be a place people would come to seek Him, and His Glory would dwell among the people.  It was a beautiful moment, in the middle of worship and intercessory prayer, to know that God had blessed this time and established the church to be His hands and feet!

…But one of the streams of water became murky when it left the platform.

The Kingdom of Heaven is for everyone.  The blood of Christ was shed for everyone.
The Prince has entered the gates, given his life as a sacrifice to the people He represents, and come out again as King.

Are the Living Waters that flow from heaven into your congregations being stirred?  How are they becoming murky?  In what ways does the misinterpretation of God’s word cloud the judgement of mankind?  In what ways has man stripped the Glory of God and all the wonders of His Fullness, to meet their own agendas?

Jesus Christ gives the living water.  Anyone who drinks of it will never thirst again, (John 4:13-14) for the Holy Spirit brings the Living Water and it flows freely to all who believe (John 7:37-39), and are sealed for the day of Redemption (Ephesians 1:13-14).

Yesterday, I was 30

I’m going to be cliche and write 30 things I have learned in the last 30 years, in light of turning 30 yesterday.

  1. Your love language is extremely important to understand.
  2. Nothing in life ever goes the way you planned.
  3. The most important role in your life is simply to be You.
  4. When your world shatters, don’t make dumb decisions.
  5. The people who are supposed to love you the most, have the strongest ability to tear you apart.
  6. Trust is fleeting.
  7. Fulfillment doesn’t exist in mortal things.
  8. If you know with the core of your being you shouldn’t do something, don’t do it.
  9. Pleasing people gets you nowhere.
  10. You’re going to miss the most important things in life if you rush through and don’t stop to listen and consider the “why shouldn’t I do this?”
  11. You cannot rely on someone else to be what you need. They will fail you when you need them most.
  12. If friends are distant, just let them go. No matter how much it hurts.
  13. If you matter to someone, they will keep you in their life.
  14. Children are the most delightful joy you will ever possess in this Life.
  15. If someone is relying on you, always make sure to accomplish what they need in a reliable amount of time.
  16. It’s better to lie to everyone that you’re okay, than tell them when it’s not.
  17. Life is continually disappointing, and there’s no turning back from a mistake.
  18. Everyone has an opinion. Seek the Truth, that is what matters most.
  19. God will never leave you, or forsake you.
  20. Jesus Christ is literally the only entity you can count on.
  21. If you know it is a bad idea DON’T DO IT.
  22. Staying stuck on the things that make you unhappy, makes you unhappier.
  23. There is so much peace in silence.
  24. Making friends past 25 is hard.
  25. Isolating yourself, while it does protect you, only makes you lonely.
  26. Sometimes, you go through things in life, and literally have NOBODY you can actually talk to about it.
  27. The loneliest place you can be, is in a crowded room where no one knows you.
  28. The second loneliest place you can be, is in a crowded room where everyone knows you, but you cannot connect with those people, no matter how hard you’ve tried.
  29. Having friends with things in common is worth Gold.
  30. Don’t be afraid to take chances.

Dismal list, the inside of me isn’t exactly the happy, bubbly Sprite I try to be.
Because of my own loneliness, I try so desperately to light the world around me, so others know someone loves them, someone thinks they’re important, and someone doesn’t want them to know the same emptiness I feel.
You can always rely on me to be there for you. No matter the time of day.

Shine brighter than the stars. Even when it kills you inside.

Creative Energy

I have so much creative energy swirling in my head, and not the slightest idea how to let it out.  I pick up my sketch book, and it doesn’t help.
I open up a WIP document, and that’s not where it wants to flow either.

I open up my blog, and spend the next twenty minutes organizing blog posts so my flash fiction, Faet & Fantasy reads in order.  The first two episodes weren’t in the line up so I had to go fishing for them.  Now, they are ALL only categorized under ONE category.

After that, I had to take my son to martial arts, but my mind is a bursting flood of energy refusing to calm.

Perhaps it has to do with recent ignition, though I don’t know where the inspiration came from, however it has not stopped.  Meanwhile, I have little to show for it, though I direly wish to ride the wave where it will carry me!

Especially if it means I finish my first write so I can start editing it….  Though, this is a way off to finish, if I keep the energy up, perhaps the book can be done by the end of this year?

Many people are waiting on me to finish something, I don’t particularly know why I haven’t.  Maybe this Christmas I’ll sneak a peak into Eldegras for everyone with my Yule story finished.  Publish to Wattpad, get a few more short stories out there as teasers, and viola, the series comes along?

It sounds like a good idea in theory.  The execution is where I have trouble….

Today I miss having a piano.  I miss writing songs and poems.  Why have I stopped?  What possessed me to close up and hide within myself?

It surely hasn’t been a good thing, and only left me feeling directionless and without purpose…..

Here’s to purpose and raising more blog posts and stories again.  Once a writer, always a writer.  And I have most definitely always been a writer.

A Letter to God

Dear God, it’s me.

I don’t know if you remember who I am. But I remember you.

I’ve kind of fallen back, and as I’ve fallen, found my faith gone slack.

I’m trying to find who I am, out of who I used to be.

Times have changed. I’m divorced, but I’m still a parent, and I’m about to be a bride again.

I’m afraid of your grace, and your judgement. Trying to find your plan in all of this– it isn’t easy to set aside all that I’ve been taught, and trust you.

I want to trust you, but every time I do, something seems to go wrong. Do I do it?

I’ve not been looking for you, while I’m finding myself. I don’t know what’s wrong with my failing heart, losing hold of everything I love.

Motivation, desire…. I fade slowly into nothing. The corner of the room is right where I fit best, self-inflicted woes to bear my scars out loud.

This is not who I was, and it’s not who I want to be– help change me to who I am meant to be. Because all I know is I want more than this hollowed shell I’m existing in.

Consume me. Make me yours.

One In A Billion

Look at us.

We’re all trying to stand out and be noticed.

You, with your talents.  Me with mine.

Each of us on a journey to be heard.  Listened to.  To burn brightly after igniting a spark of interest.

We’re all striking the same matches:
I HAVE WORDS I NEED TO SHARE!

Waiting to be validated by a consuming public, who cannot quench their thirst against the raging flames of entertainment.

So we pound away at the keys, telling the stories our vivid imaginations create for us, and we write the articles our fierce opinions derive, and we share the inspiration our souls have encountered.

And then we wait to be noticed by the general public.

Days.  Weeks.  Months.  Years.

Others who have gone before us and somehow managed to be a hit, surely we can too?

Slowly, our motivation turns to ash.  The embers of longing to share, die.

We wonder why we put so much heart and soul into our work, for it to fall by the wayside.

So few acknowledge our existence, even after the hours we put into our work.  We wonder how people go viral, and what on earth they’re doing different than us.
Do they have different friends?
Do they have different connections?
Do they have different methods for gaining access to the millions of people we wish were our audience, too?

…..The answer is, we’re not all pursuing the same audience.

While each of us wish to be accepted for who we are, and what we bring to the literary world, we’re still different.

We have different pursuits.

We have different goals.

We have different messages we want to send.

We tell different stories.
Somewhere along the way, writers begin to join in a uniformity, the answer must be in writing the same way?
“You must write this way/you must write that way.”
“I don’t like to do this, you probably shouldn’t either.”
“Nobody writes like that anymore.”
“I wouldn’t read it, but I guess someone else might….”

Validating ourselves against others, instead of remaining true to ourselves.

The odds feel stacked against us when our words only reach a few people sprinkled throughout the world.

Don’t stop trying, despite the odds.

Yes.  You are one in a billion.

You don’t need a million followers, you simply need to be true to yourself.

Tell your story.  And then believe your story is worth being read, and pursue the audience you long for.

Shadows of Gray

The world is different through my eyes

Where you see sunlight filtered through clouds, I see every shade of yellow and gray.  You see relief from the glare, I see magic being birthed.

When you see a panhandler with his sign on a corner, you see incompetence and addiction.  I see a broken, humiliated man with a story to tell.

When you see the rain falling on the road, you grumble at getting wet or watching drivers overreact.  I see the glint of light and allow the sound of rain to soothe my soul.

Where there is darkness in the forest you fear for ghosts.  I watch for faeries to appear.

When mountain peaks are washed in golden sunlight, you see majesty, but I see nature communicating as the mountain thanks the sun for its warmth.

When you stare out at the ocean, you see its surface beauty.  But I hear the souls of the world calling out across the distance, and delight in the ancient waters that have circled the entire globe.  Ireland kisses my feet.  The waters the Messiah crossed have evaporated, gathered in the sky, and fallen in tempests on the ocean.  Pilgrims crossed the waters.  Wayfinders journeyed across the waters, using the stars to guide them.

When you complain about the sand that gets in and on everything, I see millions of shells that have been worn down and deposited safely on the shore to rest.

Where you see the desert, I see a sea of glass waiting to happen.

People are sad and depressed.  You see another person who “doesn’t get it”, and I see heartache, desperation, desire to be more than this– and survival.

Perspective is a flip of a switch.

We all have different vantage points.

Mine invites you to see the world in different colors, when all most see is shadows of gray.