Shattered

I can’t make you love me

And you won’t even smile

I’m not sure just what I did

That brought me to this point

I’ve been so angry, and I’ve been so hurt

All you do is shatter me in this dungeon that I built 

My heart had hoped, and my head has wished

But underneath that skin of yours is needles and swords

Should have taken the initiative when I had the chance

But now I’m stuck, and I can’t find freedom

Faet & Fantasy : Gifted?

“Why do you do that?”

Kiena looked up, startled by the intrusion.  The object in front of her shimmering purple for a second, before returning to pale yellow.  Her eyes met Düne, who had been somewhat stand-offish around her.

Kiena looked back at the glowing fishbowl, watching the flowers float serene on the water, “It helps brighten the atmosphere.  With mirth and light.”

“I understand this,” Düne sat down opposite of her, “but why are you doing it?”

“I like gifting people with Joy and mirth.”  She responded quietly.

“It seems to me,” Düne leaned forward, “that you save very little for yourself.”

The object shimmered green and orange, Kiena did not notice, but Düne did.

“I have plenty of joy.”  Her voice was not confident.  In fact she suddenly fell sullen.

Düne smiled knowingly.  He had struck a cord.  “You are not required to be fake, Kiena.  You’re beautiful and unique as you are.  I don’t know what hurt you.  But what I do know is you cannot hide from the heartache.”

A tear escaped, tracing her cheek with a glisten, “Excuse me.”  Wisking her tear quickly away, the faerie leaned over for another fishbowl.

Düne understood the cue and excused himself, watching as Kiena tried to make the next fishbowl glow.

She felt a heavy sadness settle into her stomach.  She could produce hope.  Even if she didn’t always allow herself to feel it.  It was her right.  Nobody else should suffer because she did.

So why must she be so obvious?

Finding Love Again

Just when a broken, frustrated heart wants to throw in the towel, love can come from the most unexpected of places.

Life kick-dropped you to your knees, all one can do is breathe around the pain.

On the edge of a parking garage, temptation reaches out – it whispers to jump.  Tears roll slowly down your cheeks as you consider who would actually miss you.

No one. The voice in your head assures.

Closing your eyes, two small children flash through your mind. Almost convinced they won’t even remember you in three years.

The person you chose to marry is a selfish liar.  Your heart screams for hope.  But hope has faded.

What once was yours, belongs to someone else.

All of the dreams you had, lay desolate as wasted space in your head.

Darkness clouds your hopes, you gave up on wishing for this to be different.

However, something keeps you from jumping tonight, and you return home to the baby who needs to nurse and the toddler who screams for their grandma instead of you.

Lonely nights in an empty bed, lying next to shadows on the wall.  Anxiety imagines they’re alive.  Anxiety fed to you by the man who says he loves you.

The same one who neglects his children and only needs you when it conveniences him.

As life continues to turn to rust, the bridge down the street calls out.  You imagine the water embracing your weary soul as it runs steady along the edge of another lonely town.

And that’s when you cry out for help.

The holidays pass.  The following year does not improve, and you find yourself standing on that brink again.

In your weakest moment, a hand stretches out, beckoning you from the brink of catastrophe.

A voice of reason and hope snaps you into reality.

Strength gently draws at you.  A promise that you’re going to be okay.

Two very specific prayers reach the Heavens, and within the next few weeks, you’re moving out of the darkness into a field of sunlight you didn’t even know exists.

Fear. Guilt. Anxiety. Each demon gnaws at you, pressing you to turn back.

The hope and love you found?  You’re not deserving of them. The voices snarl.  You’re an adulterated whore who “gave up”.  What makes you think you’re allowed to be happy without him?  The man who says he loves you?  The one you married?

Wrestling with searing guilt, doubt rises.  You question the God who rescued you.  You question your worth while holding the hand of the one who called you out of the darkness.

Gentle assurance warms your heart.  Love peaks for the first time.  Hope for a future where you’re adored.

After being used and forgotten.  Manipulated.  Tormented with fear.  Riddled by anxiety.  Reasoned into doubting good people exist.  Convinced people are watching your every move.  Terrified by suggestions put in your head.  Lied to countless times.  Blindsided. Emptied out and frail.


Degraded.  Berated. Forced to swallow your own hurt to take on someone elses.  Never being good enough. Questioning your worth.  Ignored.  Looked over.


What hope does a shattered soul have left for themselves, when everyone succeded to take it away?

Making excuses for the people who hurt them.  Trying to change and forced back by someones illusion of authority.

How terrifying it is to be left weak and helpless.

Without him, I wouldn’t have made it this far.  Someone to hope for me, when I didn’t want to hold on anymore.

Someone to persuade my worth was greater than I believed and I was worth holding on to.  Even when it hurt him.

How difficult it was to step out of the box and believe God wanted more for me than the mess I made for myself.

We are not without Hope.  The struggle is real.  But it’s inevitable that this broken heart was meant for more.

And love got me through.  Love I felt unworthy of.  Love that was persistent and strong enough to hold me, when I couldn’t hold myself.

That man who became my best friend, gave my broken heart something to live for.

Me.  My purpose.  My hope.  My own strength.

Nurturing and growing me when I had given up on my own dreams.

I struggled long and hard with the views of God we all know.  God hates Divorce.  God hates adultery.  God hates sin.

Yes.  It’s true.  He does not like these things.

But he is also a loving God, and does not want us to live abused and neglected.

I prayed specifically for God to remove me from the marriage I hated.

He did.

What do you need from God?

A Letter To My Prince Charming 

Dear Prince Charming,

I don’t know where I went wrong, you were not my lover true.

I waited around for all those years, the only one I ever wanted was you.

Every hour ticked by, the ticking made me go insane.

The dragon became my pet, soon I was no one to save.

Or maybe perhaps the pet must have been me?

After all those years the dragon and I were both so empty.

I opened the door and let us out, having to settle for less and figure out my own way.

Hey there Prince Charming,

It’s been a while since I gave up on finding you.

I wish you hadn’t given up on finding me, too.

Whoever she is I hope that you’re settled down,

Whoever she is I hope you have a family now,

A little boy or little girl as an heir to carry on your name.

Since I was never one you thought to come and save.

How am I?  I’m doing alright, the dragon is gone he took flight,

He left me with two kids of my own.

Dear Prince Charming,

Are you listening to the wind as it blows through your kingdom?

If you can hear my voice, I’m crying out for freedom.

Locked inside where they can’t see, the dragon left his fire in me,

Every once in a while it escapes and burns down everything.

If I make it through this life, perhaps one day you might find me?

I’ll run to you with open arms, start crying this song I’m writing….

Dear Prince Charming, it’s been so long since I’ve been held in loving arms.

Dear Prince Charming, all I remember of what hope felt like is the scars.

After all the time I waited for you, I gave up hope and pushed on.

Love blew out like a hurricane, my light is faded, hope is gone….

Prince Charming did you give up looking for me too?

All I want is for one day to be locked up safe inside, with you.

Faet & Fantasy : Delight 

After meeting Breigh officially, Kiena spent several days with him and his friends.  They were delightful.  She enjoyed every moment in their company.

Winter was setting it.  Morning frost turned into gentle layers of snow.  Kiena watched her new friends craft snowflakes and icy layers of crystal.

Capra caused the ice to glow.  Dax told Kiena that Capra’s people were said to have descended from the stars.

Breigh seemed genuinely interested in including her in their daily activities.  When Kiena was not working she was most often found with them.

It felt good to be included.  She found herself cheering up little by little as the days turned into weeks.

Before long, Winter Solstice was approaching, and they were preparing for the seasonal festivals.

As Breigh flew to her on the top of the dell where she was preparing to work on filling decorations with joy, Kiena realized for the first time she no longer woke up thinking of Rynn.

Their eyes met, causing a jolt of electricity to spread across her chest.  She blinked twice, darting her eyes to the bowl in front of her.  “Hi, join me,” she said, clearing the space next to her.

“Actually, I wanted to ask if you would join me.” He plopped into the chair, propping on his elbows and smiling with a comical grin.

Trying not to laugh, Kiena glanced briefly at him twice, focusing on the object in front of her, “I have a lot to do right now, where did you want to go?”

“To the feast tonight,” he paused briefly so she’d look at him, “with you.”  He finished with a wink.

Not altogether surprised, but definitely hiding excitement Kiena could not keep from smiling ear to ear, “Why?”  She asked.

Briegh blinked, visibly nervous as he worked to answer, “I thought that, while we usually just meet each other, it would be nice if you go with me.”

Warmth spread through her chest, “Why wouldn’t we just meet each other here?”

“Because I don’t want to just meet like friends would.” He reached for words, and reached for her hand, “I want to come to your door and take you by the hand.  And then, perhaps we would walk together.”

“That sounds nice.” Kiena beamed, not realizing the object in front of her radiated, the aura grew with intensity.

Briegh smiled knowingly, “so I will plan to be there shortly before sunset.”

“I will wait for you.”

“Good.”  Breigh nodded, and awkwardly said goodbye before flying away again.

Kiena watched him go, and then turned her attention back to the bowl.  “Oh my!”  She exclaimed watching it glow, suddenly realizing she’d completely given her emotions away.

Blank Page

Hello white screen.

I’m here to stare at you again.

I have hopes that your magic powers of illumination will draw the Words from my brain.

Pulling them from the core of me, as my eyes stare beyond you into Universes still unknown to the world.

Yet you sit there.  Empty.

You are the one with greater power, scaring my ideas away.

Intimidating me, with your flashy white teeth, the ink wont bleed and discolor your face.

Perhaps we need to chat about my pursuits.

You see, I am trying to write a story.

As you flash the cursor line at me, blinking anxiously as my fingers wait to patter away at the keys…..

This is nonsense.  I should be greater than you!  I can slay you with that tiny little X at the top corner!  I can will you to go away!

……however, this causes me more problems than it does you.  You will smile one last time with a wicked laugh as you flash away victorious.

How do we meld our minds so that we might summon the words peacefully?  Drawing from my inner pool of creation as one might a fountain?

Blank page, I think of you all the day long.  I think of the words I might put to you.  The stories I anxiously wish to tell…..

And yet you remain.  Here.  Untouched.

Intimacy we should share!  My heart would overflow to you in a precarious romance, in which I slaughter my soul at the eyes of the world.

Summon from me words.  I beg you.

Draw each of them out.  Rend my soul if you must.  Just let them flow.

Caught Daydreaming II

A skip in my chest.  Warmth spreads from the center, tendrils flowing toward my shoulders.

My arms curl around myself in reaction.  I sigh, closing my eyes, and suddenly you are there with me.

A hand flows with my hair, drawing gently on my neck to bring me into you.  I feel your face to my cheek.  Your lips gently press into my shoulder, and a shiver spreads behind my ear down to my back.

The fan swirls air about me.  The tease takes me back to dreaming.

Dreaming of happiness.  Dreaming of adventures.

Dreaming of sitting next to you as I sit and write.  To feel your shoulder against mine.

To hear your breath, a sniff, to watch you create worlds of your own as I create mine.

To taste your flesh.  To feel your lips to mine.

Projecting you into my daily routine.  I get lost in the idea.  It causes me to stop.

It distracts me.  Suddenly my mind goes blank.  And when it does, it fills with you.