With All of Your Heart

Worship should be emotional.

You hear worship pastors, pastors, and conservative Christians say worship is not about “a feeling”.

And it’s not.  But that doesn’t mean that worship of a Great and Mighty God should be flat and stagnant either.

The only way to sense the Presence of God is with your Spirit, which often could be confused as an emotional experience, because we only sense the things of the Spirit with our Spirit, and the entity of our Soul lives inside the hollow shells of flesh.

Jesus says to love Him with all of our heart, soul, and mind.

Our heart first of all, because it is the foundation of all our emotions.

Jeremiah 17:9 says the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked.

Desperately wicked.  Deceitful.
Two words we wouldn’t consider to apply to our hearts.

And yet, so fitting.

When I searched for the verse reference using “The heart is deceitful” a French movie popped up before the verse in Jeremiah.
From what I researched briefly, the movie is about a boy named Jeremiah who lives with his very worldly mother and pretty much hits on every point of sin.

Our society is heavily saturated with worldly pleasures.

We love them.

We revel in them.

We desire them.

And God tells us first in Deuteronomy to love Him with our desperately wicked heart.

Jesus Christ tells us to love him with all of our deceitful heart.

To desire Him.

To revel in Him.

To chase after Him.

Worship should glorify God.  It should magnify God.  It should be a time when ALL of us reaches out to ALL of Him.  Engaging Him from the depths of our heart, with all of our emotions and fixing our hearts entirely on the Living God.

Emotions that otherwise seek out sin, SHOULD be focused 100% on God.  It’s why He asks for our hearts first.  Our heart is full of desires, longings and wants.
Hone in those desires, longings and wants and center them entirely on Christ, and worship of our Triune God.

Sometimes the perception of the Holy Spirit could be a feeling.  A drawing, an awareness that something is moving us.  To someone who does not understand how to explain this concept, they may describe it as a “feeling”.
There is nothing wrong with this.  They’re expressing an experience they have had with their God.  It should be celebrated!  Teach them later what it means.

Worship God, with all of your heart, your soul, and your mind.  Move in the Spirit, allow the Holy Spirit to move in YOU, love Him, adore Him, fall to your knees in awe of Him, allow the entirety of your being to reach out and Glorify the One True God.  The Holy Spirit is our Gift, sent to us by Christ Himself, and it is beautiful to give yourself over to Him in worship.

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Yesterday, I was 30

I’m going to be cliche and write 30 things I have learned in the last 30 years, in light of turning 30 yesterday.

  1. Your love language is extremely important to understand.
  2. Nothing in life ever goes the way you planned.
  3. The most important role in your life is simply to be You.
  4. When your world shatters, don’t make dumb decisions.
  5. The people who are supposed to love you the most, have the strongest ability to tear you apart.
  6. Trust is fleeting.
  7. Fulfillment doesn’t exist in mortal things.
  8. If you know with the core of your being you shouldn’t do something, don’t do it.
  9. Pleasing people gets you nowhere.
  10. You’re going to miss the most important things in life if you rush through and don’t stop to listen and consider the “why shouldn’t I do this?”
  11. You cannot rely on someone else to be what you need. They will fail you when you need them most.
  12. If friends are distant, just let them go. No matter how much it hurts.
  13. If you matter to someone, they will keep you in their life.
  14. Children are the most delightful joy you will ever possess in this Life.
  15. If someone is relying on you, always make sure to accomplish what they need in a reliable amount of time.
  16. It’s better to lie to everyone that you’re okay, than tell them when it’s not.
  17. Life is continually disappointing, and there’s no turning back from a mistake.
  18. Everyone has an opinion. Seek the Truth, that is what matters most.
  19. God will never leave you, or forsake you.
  20. Jesus Christ is literally the only entity you can count on.
  21. If you know it is a bad idea DON’T DO IT.
  22. Staying stuck on the things that make you unhappy, makes you unhappier.
  23. There is so much peace in silence.
  24. Making friends past 25 is hard.
  25. Isolating yourself, while it does protect you, only makes you lonely.
  26. Sometimes, you go through things in life, and literally have NOBODY you can actually talk to about it.
  27. The loneliest place you can be, is in a crowded room where no one knows you.
  28. The second loneliest place you can be, is in a crowded room where everyone knows you, but you cannot connect with those people, no matter how hard you’ve tried.
  29. Having friends with things in common is worth Gold.
  30. Don’t be afraid to take chances.

Dismal list, the inside of me isn’t exactly the happy, bubbly Sprite I try to be.
Because of my own loneliness, I try so desperately to light the world around me, so others know someone loves them, someone thinks they’re important, and someone doesn’t want them to know the same emptiness I feel.
You can always rely on me to be there for you. No matter the time of day.

Shine brighter than the stars. Even when it kills you inside.

Death In The Family

I am part of the vast population who had a disconnected family.  While my immediate family was pretty well knit, and my siblings and I continue to get along as Family should, the extensions each had their own set of issues.

It was already stated that I didn’t particularly care for my grandmother.  Even now, in bitterness, I glance at her pictures around the house and still resent her.

It’s been a long month+ in Ohio, I had to call and reschedule my dr’s appointment for this week, because we’re not done here yet.  So many things haven’t happened the way they needed to, and here I am.  Still.
The snow has finally come to an end, but the sun barely shines, aiding unto the melancholic chill wrapped inside my heart.  Each morning, I arise to the same thing.  Each night I go down hoping to leave soon.

Uncertainty gives way to insecurity, which can lend to a plague of further negative emotion, swirling furiously within the mind.
Each step I have taken for almost a year is laced with uncertainty.
Where will we live? Where will you work? Where will we have financial security?
And now, as the months close in between a cloudy future and the baby being born, I wrestle these anxious concerns alongside my frustrations with still being in Ohio.
My path of ventilation has been to harbor continued anger with my Grandmother. For what she was not, what she never would be. Who she chose to be. What she chose not to be.
All I have lost is $40 a year in holiday checks. What made the emotion furrow even deeper was the way the Pastor spoke at her memorial service.
When nobody has a clue what is suffered on the inside of a unit, what else are they to speak of beyond the Hope of Salvation?
Each of the viewpoints were nice, but he did not have the slightest idea how off he was. What can you do, sitting in silent reverence? What do you say afterward?
Cloudy, my heart remains. Our world was already upside-down before she died. Now I feel as though I’m trapped in a snowglobe.
Yes, we’re finally in the third trimester and wanting a place for the baby to be that is properly set up, belonging solely to her, is also a high concern. But I just don’t know what is going to happen this summer.

On a positive note:
My pursuit to become an author strengthens as I open myself to the things I was made to do, and it is quite rewarding.
I hope to continue this pursuit very soon- as my writing has also been affected by this series of misfortunate events.
I hope Spring finds the rest of you in better, warmer places.