Caught Daydreaming II

A skip in my chest.  Warmth spreads from the center, tendrils flowing toward my shoulders.

My arms curl around myself in reaction.  I sigh, closing my eyes, and suddenly you are there with me.

A hand flows with my hair, drawing gently on my neck to bring me into you.  I feel your face to my cheek.  Your lips gently press into my shoulder, and a shiver spreads behind my ear down to my back.

The fan swirls air about me.  The tease takes me back to dreaming.

Dreaming of happiness.  Dreaming of adventures.

Dreaming of sitting next to you as I sit and write.  To feel your shoulder against mine.

To hear your breath, a sniff, to watch you create worlds of your own as I create mine.

To taste your flesh.  To feel your lips to mine.

Projecting you into my daily routine.  I get lost in the idea.  It causes me to stop.

It distracts me.  Suddenly my mind goes blank.  And when it does, it fills with you.

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Faet & Fantasy : Dreaming

Kiena awoke with a start.  Breathing heavily she looked around her dark room honing in on reality.

“It was just a dream,” she whispered to herself sitting up.  Leaning back against the wall, she rubbed her brow.  Instant chill shook her, so she grabbed her shawl from beside her and wrapped it snuggly around her shoulders.

Rynn’s eyes were more intense everytime she dreamed of him.  That glance at her after she’d blessed him and Acacia.  They did not speak at his wedding, though she caught him looking at her.  It was a sad, sympathetic sort of look.  One that wished her as happy as he felt.

The concept cut at her.  To think she did not make him as happy as Acacia did brought fresh tears to Kiena’s eyes.

“What is wrong with me?”  Kiena beat her fist into her drawn knee.

Dawn was breaking.  Blue and grey began to glow out her window.  Her eyes drifted to it and she felt peace glint momentarily lifting  her heavy heart.

Tendrils of fog swirled slowly just beyond the glass.  Tiny crystals of ice had formed in a brilliant pattern on the bottom half of her circular four-paned window.

Kiena took a deep breath and settled deeper into the warming blankets.

Today the Winter Fae would arrive.

Maybe one of them are meant for me.

The thought caught Kiena off guard.  She shook her head hiding her face.  Not really sure why she should be embarrassed by her own thoughts when no one else was around.

Perhaps one with crystal blue eyes.

If she was going to entertain the thought, at least she’d make it pleasant.

“And sandy blonde hair,” she concluded the thought aloud.  “Who loves winter as much as I do.”

Rynn’s green eyes flashed in her mind again.  She curled tighter to fight against the image and the heartache brought with it.

This simply would not do.  If Kiena was ever going to recover from her sadness, she had to stand up and just do it.

So Kiena stood.  The winter bite reaching to her bones as she fumbled with the flint in her fireplace.

Waking Up

The sky is finally beginning to turn blue again.

I couldn’t have gotten this far without patient grace.

Eclipsed by the pain, eclipsed by years gone by, the shadows took me off guard.

Gentle understanding helped get me by in ways I never expected to find.

My heart is full, and my soul at ease.

Bittersweet sorrow, masses of regret; memories that I don’t have to fear anymore.

Awoken at last, from the darkest age of slumber I am free to breathe.

My sincerest of hopes, and greatest of dreams.  All resting together in one tender glimmer of peace.

Pursuit is becoming stable, and I shall run toward the goal in newness of life!

Beautiful Potential

Precious little girl, you are more than this.

The darkness that consumes you, and breathes into your life has no power to remain there.

Sweetest little child, you are not judged by the darkness that you surround yourself in.  You’re free to let it go.

I know it protects you.  It keeps your sins from coming to light.

But do you know what else it does?  It tears you away from your potential.  It keeps you from accomplishing the things you were meant to.

You are so gifted, your heart is beautiful.  The words pouring out of your soul are worth reading, and worth being put on the shelves.  Your words were meant to be read, they were meant to be enjoyed.  

You have friends to join you in this Quest.

You have friends invested in your success.

You have support that loves you, they delight in you.

You have hope because they wont leave you until the Journey is done.

It’s beautiful, embrace it.

Your mind, your heart, your desires, your passions.  You are Beautiful and worthy of so much more.

Let go of the Darkness.  Let go of the Bondage and embrace your potential.

It is worth it.

Missing You

I’m missing you tonight.  And all the little things we used to do.

I’m stuck inside the memories, leaving a gaping hole inside my heart.  One where you should be.

I’m missing you tonight.  And all the rainy days, the sunny days, the cold and windy lonely days, we spent inside your house at night, eating cereal on the kitchen counter while a light shone in from the living room.

The time we poured coffee through the coffee maker.

The time you lost your gas cap, we drove back to find it.  It had been run over at the stoplight so you had to buy a new one.

Trying on dresses at the department stores, fanticizing glamor for the future.

We said we’d be sisters forever.  Forever came to an end too soon.

And I’m missing you so dearly.  The hole in my heart I can’t ignore much longer.

I’ve cried so many times wishing for your company, but I know those days are gone.

 

We’ve grown up, and you’ve moved on.

Even now, I hope you know I still love you, and I miss you, and I wish you ever so much happiness.  I hope he gives you the joy you need, and I’m sorry I missed out on the good times, the hard times, the most important loving times.  You two went through so much and I was so far away.

Now here I am with two kids.  You’re off to new adventures, new friends and family to join you.

Here in my lonely memories, I still hold onto the times we had even though the memories they make me sad.

I want you to know I’ll always be right here if you ever decided to come back my way.  I know it won’t be the same, those days are long behind us, and the future has no room for two little girls with adventures in their dreams.

I had only ever hoped you’d share those adventures with me.

 

Broken Dreams

Last night I had a dream about you and I.  You were living in your life, and I in mine.

You represented all that I am going through now.  And it hurt.

All I wanted was you.  All I’d ever wanted was you.
You just never wanted me the same.

In this dream while we danced in our own separate lives, you raising your kids, and I raising mine, you were happy.  You didn’t want to leave.  You had found all that you were looking for, and I was still lonely.

What broken mess that I encounter, the tears they were so bitter.

All I wished for has never come true.  And I wait for the day that I will find such happiness that brightens up you.