Faet & Fantasy : The Dinner

A slow gnawing sadness crept into Kiena’s heart.  She tried to fend the tears, offering a wisp of a smile to everyone she passed.  Hopefully none would pursue and tell her to be festive.

She felt anything but festive.  Even the orbs emitting joy from the tables and hanging decor did not reach her heart to boost the mood.  Why the sadness had settled over her so suddenly, she’d not yet determined.

Crossing the great lawn where they held feasts on the flat of the dell, Kiena hoped to find an empty table near the edge of the crowd.  She scanned quickly to determine which of the empty ones she wanted, feeling a sudden tap at her shoulder.

“Excuse me?” A male voice said.

Kiena turned, baffled to know who might have possibly wanted her attention.  “Yes?” She responded, trying to sound friendly.

It was the same fae she’d shared a brief glance with the day he’d arrived.  “I’m Breigh.  I couldn’t help notice you looking for a seat.”

The slant of his eyes, point of his ears, style of his hair– Kiena felt her heart melt just staring at the face before her.  Flustered, and a bit embarrassed trying not to gawk, Kiena nodded, “I am.  I was going to sit over there.”

He seemed to notice she was staring, “Would you care to join us instead?” His hand stretched out to the table behind him where five others were talking and laughing.

She felt herself blink several times in her surprise to the request, “Sure.” Kiena smiled, walking over to the table with Breigh.

“Friends,” Breigh acknowledged, “this lovely young sprite has agreed to join us.  Your name, mi’lady?”

Blushing, Kiena laughed, “Oh, yes.  How silly of me to forget.  I’m Kiena.”

“Welcome, Kiena!” One of the females exclaimed brightly.  “Come sit.”

The unexpected exuberance of the winter fae at table energized Kiena and made her forget her sadness for a few moments.  A seat was open next to Breigh and she sat as he introduced his friends around the table starting with the one next to him, and ending with the one next to her.

“Kiena, meet Dax, Jordi, Düne, Loreghlyn, and Capra.”  Breigh pushed her chair in and then took his own seat.

Capra smiled broadly, “Tell us of you, Kiena.”

Kiena wasn’t used to having attention put on her, and she certainly did not wish to have it now.  “I’m not all that interesting, though I enjoy dabbling with growth and emotions.”

“You seemed to emanate sadness earlier.  A lovely fae such as yourself shouldn’t be sad with such fun to be had.”  Dax beamed, drumming his fingers in rhythm on the table, “Do you dance, Kiena?”

Kiena nodded timidly, “I do, I haven’t in some time though.”

“Broken heart.” Jordi winked at her.  His smile gentle, “Figured it out.”

Everyone at the table groaned, as though they hadn’t figured it out first.

“What?  Figured what out?”  Kiena felt her cheeks blush.

Loreghlyn chuckled, “Ignore them, what else do you do, Kiena?”

Lately all Kiena seemed to do was mope.  She tried to think of a pass time she used to enjoy, but none stuck out, “I bless others.  It’s not exciting really.”  The image of Rynn flashed in her mind.

“I find it exciting.”  Dax winked at her again.  He looked at the others, “Imagine the energy it takes to do that all the time.”

Kiena had to admit she’d never considered the amount of energy it took to cheer others up from time to time.

Breigh nudged her arm, “You’re doing it again.”  He leaned in, speaking to just her.

“What?  What am I doing?” Kiena questioned with puzzlement.

“Emanating sadness.  Feast!  Laugh!  Be merry, my friend.  Tonight you have no room at this table for ailments.”  He winked, lifting his cup out to her so she might clank it with hers.

Kiena smiled sadly, tapping the brim of his cup with hers, her heart a flustered tangle of knots.

The night was fun, and Breigh gave her undivided attention through the whole evening.  The image of his face seared into her memory  and remained as her eyes closed in bed that night, falling into a deep, peaceful sleep.

Faet & Fantasy : Breigh

Dashing about to complete her work on time, Kiena wasn’t entirely sure how she would still have time to change before the dinner.

Having successfully avoided the Winter Fae after that day, she was now faced with mandatory presence at the welcome dinner.

The colony at Raven’s Dell always had a welcoming dinner, and Kiena generally volunteered to decorate.  Her magic conjured joy, and she would spend countless hours enchanting table decorations to boost the mood.  Every once in a while frustration would show up and discolor the object she was enchanting.  It was tedious expressing joy for so long during mundane tasks.

This year, considering all she felt was melancholy and sadness, she did not volunteer to decorate.  In fact, with the manipulation of atmosphere sure to toy with her mood she felt no inclination to go either.

Sighing heavily, Kiena looked through her wardrobe to figure out what to wear.

The image of the winter fae smiling at her and shaking his head flashed in her memory, causing Kiena to flinch with embarrassment.

After a few moments she was dressed and ready to go.

The Neglecting One

Shush shush my dear, it’s only just your hormones

These silly emotions mixed up inside of you aren’t real, I promise

You have no reason to cry

No reason to faint

No reason to believe anything is truly wrong

Oh my dear, clearly he loves you, you know this to be true!

Look, you’re taken care of.  Everything is alright.  It’s always been alright.

Tut, tut, my dear!  It’s only your hormones raging into the night.  Women often confuse the emotions with reality.  Your reality must be slipping away.

You feel too deeply, you rationalize too much.  You think too long into things.

You’re not enough.  See dearest?  You aren’t meeting his needs.  So obviously he can’t meet yours.

Everyone else knows the Right side.  They’ll all smile and tell you how proud they are.

You’re delusional.  You’re reading it too deeply.

You’re wrong.
But….. am I?

Unplugged

So many of my URL friends are familiar with my grievances against Facebook and the forced switch mobile users had to make to the Messenger app.

I hate it.  I love it’s conveniently designed instant messaging, I love it’s convenient chat feature, and the stickers, and that I can talk to everyone in the world…..

But I hate the app itself for its invasive required accesses, and how it makes my phone lag.

Lately, I’ve been considering my Relevance to society and whether or not Social Media actually needs me around.  If I could slip away, how many of my URL friends would notice?

What is my relevance?  I’m a Writer like hundreds of other people.  I don’t have anything else to say advice-wise that others haven’t said before me.

I’m honest and to the point, sit down and write.  Everything else can wait.

I can give you writing prompts, but there are literally hundreds of other people who have done/are doing that very thing.

All sorts of A-Type people are conquering the world, and doing what I do-only they’re much more upfront and straight forward about it.

I stop and feel the sunshine, and smell the roses, and mourn the passing of dead fish, and roadkill, and am distracted by everything around me.  I day dream all day long and forget I didn’t write any of it down.

It’s not a good thing, however.  I really need to hone in and find some kind of Groundwire, or I’ll waste my entire life away, having never published the world of Eldegras.

Perhaps the world will end.  But people will still want to read books.

Perhaps nuclear bombs will destroy America, and our economy will collapse, and I’ll have wasted away my time procrastinating instead of publishing a book.

It doesn’t matter how or what happens, if I never pursue my dreams, they’ll never come true.  No amount of wishing on stars and meteors will help.

Am I relevant?  Is my book worth it?  Is someone going to read it?  Love it?  Want more of it?

Every B-Type personality has this struggle.  We feel Deeply, and in feeling Deeply, we carry more than our own weight on our shoulders.

At the end of the day, we’re exhausted from smiling and interacting with the World from the Surface.  Our thoughts and emotions attack us in the dark and keep us up for hours.

That’s why Writers drink so much caffeine.  ((Coffee, tea….))  oh, and alcohol of course.

Maybe one day I’ll figure it out, come out of the other side of this block, and have my series finished.
Maybe one day.

Perhaps it starts by unplugging.  Turning off Social Media and the inner turmoil our brains encounter interacting with it.  We’re wired to crave community.  But must we crave it so much it controls us?

Checking to see if someone checked on you.  Checking to see if someone commented.  Checking to just kill time mindlessly.

Relying on these interactions to feel fulfilled by fellow human  beings who share common interests –like killing time on the Internet.
Whatever it is, it starts with a choice.  A rally to action to Do The Thing!  And to believe in yourself enough to do it well.

The Lie

It was easy to say I love you when the emotions were all aglow.

The world was painted in different colors back then.

Had the garrish beams not been as bright, I might have seen the flaws.

The flaws would have changed my mind so much sooner.

They would have set me on edge and made me ask what I had been thinking.

But we’re all flawed.  It wouldn’t be different with another.

Each conversation ends the same.  You fantasize and romanticize along the way of what you desire to be, and yet these all stay as they are.

Nothing changes.

Fluttering hearts hold out for you.  One has resigned to disappontment.

Arms no longer reach with excitement.

Squeals no longer call out your name.

I am no longer the only soul hurt.  Two more joined the till.

It Starts With A Step

Standing in the middle of the room, the walls seem as though they’re closing in.
The door is cracked open, light gently peering in.  Not enough to cause the darkness to flee.  Only just enough to remind there is light on the other side.

It only takes a few short steps to get to the door.  To enter the hallway and be washed in that light.  And yet, we hesitate.

The raging emotions, terrifying us.  Anxiety taking our breath away.

What’s in the hallway?  Will it kill us?
Will it attack?  Will it hate us?

Alone we continue to suffocate in the darkness.

It drives us insane.  Wanting out, wanting to stay.  Wanting to be free, wanting to stay hidden in the darkness.
Will you choose Freedom?

It only takes a step.  One little step at a time to conquer the darkness.
Freedom begins when you let yourself move.  When you take that first step toward change.