Dancing The Dance

I’ve been thinking of you lately

All of the things that were good

In all of the leaving it’s easy to emphasize the bad

I admit I have been angry

For all the things you misunderstood

In all of the grieving it’s easy to know why I was so mad

But, back when it all began

You held out your hand

Quietly asked of me to dance

I danced the dance for you

I took a chance

I moved away for a hopeless romance

Gave up family and friends to make you a home

In the end I’m the one to turn up alone

I took a chance for you

I danced the dance

I ran away for a hopeless romance

All of the hopeless nights ending in grace

Until you turned all my pain in my face

Left me there wondering just what I did

Tearing down walls on the lies that you hid

I was the one they cast out in the end

Dividing from me my family and friends

Once, everything was perfect

We were taking on the world

That tiny town was big enough for me

The chances were worth it

Opportunities all swirled

Until they took lonely turns dividing your company

I close my eyes and I can see

Your hand waiting for me

As you asked me to dance

I danced the dance for you

I took a chance

I moved away for a hopeless romance

Gave up family and friends to make you a home

In the end I’m the one to turn up alone

I took a chance for you

I danced the dance

I ran away for a hopeless romance

All of the hopeless nights ending in grace

Until you turned all my pain in my face

Left me there wondering just what I did

Tearing down walls on the lies that you hid

I was the one they cast out in the end

Dividing from me my family and friends

Forgiveness, I know it isn’t easy

You didn’t even strive to deserve me

Spending all of your time lying

Chasing away the chance to win me back

But in the end I still remember when you asked me to dance

I danced the dance for you

I took a chance

I moved away for a hopeless romance

Gave up family and friends to make you a home

In the end I’m the one to turn up alone

I took a chance for you

I danced the dance

I ran away for a hopeless romance

All of the hopeless nights ending in grace

Until you turned all my pain in my face

Left me there wondering just what I did

Tearing down walls on the all the lies you hid

But how can I be angry after all of these years

Why am I still wasting all of these tears

You’ve gone away and God closed the door

Leaving me there alone on the dance floor

Advertisements

Remnants of the Past

I remember a different life.  You can’t hold that against me.
I hold to a different way. You can’t hold that against me.
All the pain I hide inside, all of me that’s wasting away.
All the memories of a distant life, they’re fading out slowly.

You never wanted me for who I was, but only what you could see.
You never wanted me for who I am, but what you want in me.
I tried my hardest to continue pushing on,
But I can’t push on if I don’t know what I’m fighting for.
I tried my hardest, but my hardest is gone
I can’t push on if I don’t know what I’m fighting for.

I remember a different life.  You can’t hold that against me.
I hold to a different way.  You can’t hold that against me.
All the pain I hide inside, all of me that’s wasting away.
All the memories of a distant life, they’re fading out slowly.

 

Brave

Go.

Simple.  Easy even.

Just go.

I hear it in a gentle, quiet voice.

Run.  Free.  Brave.  Bold.

Why is this so hard?

I deserve it.

Or do I?

Can I?

Why am I still fighting?

A battle I can’t win.

Go,  I hear.

Just go.

I can go.  I will go.  I must!

……if I don’t, does that make me a coward?

If I do, does that mean I’m free?

Do I deserve freedom?

I can go.  I will. I must.

Running wild, with hope and abandon.

Lover, I greet you in the morning.

Together we pursue a life ahead.

In the morning we hasten.

A new life, together, to begin.

Shattered

I can’t make you love me

And you won’t even smile

I’m not sure just what I did

That brought me to this point

I’ve been so angry, and I’ve been so hurt

All you do is shatter me in this dungeon that I built 

My heart had hoped, and my head has wished

But underneath that skin of yours is needles and swords

Should have taken the initiative when I had the chance

But now I’m stuck, and I can’t find freedom

A Letter To My Prince Charming 

Dear Prince Charming,

I don’t know where I went wrong, you were not my lover true.

I waited around for all those years, the only one I ever wanted was you.

Every hour ticked by, the ticking made me go insane.

The dragon became my pet, soon I was no one to save.

Or maybe perhaps the pet must have been me?

After all those years the dragon and I were both so empty.

I opened the door and let us out, having to settle for less and figure out my own way.

Hey there Prince Charming,

It’s been a while since I gave up on finding you.

I wish you hadn’t given up on finding me, too.

Whoever she is I hope that you’re settled down,

Whoever she is I hope you have a family now,

A little boy or little girl as an heir to carry on your name.

Since I was never one you thought to come and save.

How am I?  I’m doing alright, the dragon is gone he took flight,

He left me with two kids of my own.

Dear Prince Charming,

Are you listening to the wind as it blows through your kingdom?

If you can hear my voice, I’m crying out for freedom.

Locked inside where they can’t see, the dragon left his fire in me,

Every once in a while it escapes and burns down everything.

If I make it through this life, perhaps one day you might find me?

I’ll run to you with open arms, start crying this song I’m writing….

Dear Prince Charming, it’s been so long since I’ve been held in loving arms.

Dear Prince Charming, all I remember of what hope felt like is the scars.

After all the time I waited for you, I gave up hope and pushed on.

Love blew out like a hurricane, my light is faded, hope is gone….

Prince Charming did you give up looking for me too?

All I want is for one day to be locked up safe inside, with you.

Over Soon

Tell me this is gonna pass

Tell me it’ll all be over soon

This is it.  I got away, made my escape

What happens next?

Where do I go from here?

I didn’t plan that far ahead

I did all I could just to survive

And now I’m looking through the glass

Discovering a world I never knew existed

There is light.  There is freedom. There is love.

But how can I truly deserve it?

Look at the road where I have been 

Look at all I came through

How can I be worthy of walking in light?

How can I be worthy of your love?

It’s comfortable to be here.

Comfortable to rest inside the hope

That maybe I might be free at last

No more pain or broken pieces

It’s hard to let them go.

Hard to trust in something Real for once.

It’s uncomfortable to fear the worst

It’s uncomfortable to think that I am worth it–

When until this point I have not been

I’m so imperfect.  I’m so broken.

The perfect trophy fell off of the shelf

And she shattered.

Every shard reminds me of the past

Each regret carved into my flesh.

But you say I’m everything.

That you want me.

How can this be?

Can someone truly want me, for me?

I know I make mistakes, I can name them all

I know one of them was him.

I know I destroyed myself

I’m so imperfect.

But if you can wait and see, this is not Me.

I know I’m someone else, and someone else is breaking out of Me.

This will all be over soon,

I will be stronger than ever I was before.

But that doesn’t mean that I am mended

It takes time to scar over, and scars never fade

I promise I’ll be back to normal soon

This will all finally be over soon

Endless Stillness

Another day of hell has come and passed

And I’m still here.  Why am I still here?

Another day of endless waiting ended

I’m still sitting still, sitting still.

It’s so still.  It’s all still.

Another empty day has passed on by

Crying.

Let us out of this broken cycle

It’s all so still.  It’s all so still

Suffocating in this shame and guilt

Wondering how I got here

Wondering how to leave

Endlessly she keeps pushing at me

Endlessly she just wont go away

Endlessly the nights all end in brokenness I can’t overcome.
Another day of hell has come and passed

I’m still here.  Why am I still here?
Endlessly we wait in stillness for something to fall

I don’t know what it is, it just hasn’t happened yet

Someone once said this too shall pass, it’s never gone away

Life happens in cycles

I seem to recycle the same story over and over 

The heroine escaped, she finally ran away

Into the arms of tranny, where she ran back again

Someone still the sounds of madness crying through the night

We are all praying, we can’t stop praying

Reality is broken, do you even know who you are anymore?
Another day of hell has come and gone.

I’m still here. What am I doing here?