Shattered

I can’t make you love me

And you won’t even smile

I’m not sure just what I did

That brought me to this point

I’ve been so angry, and I’ve been so hurt

All you do is shatter me in this dungeon that I built 

My heart had hoped, and my head has wished

But underneath that skin of yours is needles and swords

Should have taken the initiative when I had the chance

But now I’m stuck, and I can’t find freedom

A Letter To My Prince Charming 

Dear Prince Charming,

I don’t know where I went wrong, you were not my lover true.

I waited around for all those years, the only one I ever wanted was you.

Every hour ticked by, the ticking made me go insane.

The dragon became my pet, soon I was no one to save.

Or maybe perhaps the pet must have been me?

After all those years the dragon and I were both so empty.

I opened the door and let us out, having to settle for less and figure out my own way.

Hey there Prince Charming,

It’s been a while since I gave up on finding you.

I wish you hadn’t given up on finding me, too.

Whoever she is I hope that you’re settled down,

Whoever she is I hope you have a family now,

A little boy or little girl as an heir to carry on your name.

Since I was never one you thought to come and save.

How am I?  I’m doing alright, the dragon is gone he took flight,

He left me with two kids of my own.

Dear Prince Charming,

Are you listening to the wind as it blows through your kingdom?

If you can hear my voice, I’m crying out for freedom.

Locked inside where they can’t see, the dragon left his fire in me,

Every once in a while it escapes and burns down everything.

If I make it through this life, perhaps one day you might find me?

I’ll run to you with open arms, start crying this song I’m writing….

Dear Prince Charming, it’s been so long since I’ve been held in loving arms.

Dear Prince Charming, all I remember of what hope felt like is the scars.

After all the time I waited for you, I gave up hope and pushed on.

Love blew out like a hurricane, my light is faded, hope is gone….

Prince Charming did you give up looking for me too?

All I want is for one day to be locked up safe inside, with you.

Over Soon

Tell me this is gonna pass

Tell me it’ll all be over soon

This is it.  I got away, made my escape

What happens next?

Where do I go from here?

I didn’t plan that far ahead

I did all I could just to survive

And now I’m looking through the glass

Discovering a world I never knew existed

There is light.  There is freedom. There is love.

But how can I truly deserve it?

Look at the road where I have been 

Look at all I came through

How can I be worthy of walking in light?

How can I be worthy of your love?

It’s comfortable to be here.

Comfortable to rest inside the hope

That maybe I might be free at last

No more pain or broken pieces

It’s hard to let them go.

Hard to trust in something Real for once.

It’s uncomfortable to fear the worst

It’s uncomfortable to think that I am worth it–

When until this point I have not been

I’m so imperfect.  I’m so broken.

The perfect trophy fell off of the shelf

And she shattered.

Every shard reminds me of the past

Each regret carved into my flesh.

But you say I’m everything.

That you want me.

How can this be?

Can someone truly want me, for me?

I know I make mistakes, I can name them all

I know one of them was him.

I know I destroyed myself

I’m so imperfect.

But if you can wait and see, this is not Me.

I know I’m someone else, and someone else is breaking out of Me.

This will all be over soon,

I will be stronger than ever I was before.

But that doesn’t mean that I am mended

It takes time to scar over, and scars never fade

I promise I’ll be back to normal soon

This will all finally be over soon

Endless Stillness

Another day of hell has come and passed

And I’m still here.  Why am I still here?

Another day of endless waiting ended

I’m still sitting still, sitting still.

It’s so still.  It’s all still.

Another empty day has passed on by

Crying.

Let us out of this broken cycle

It’s all so still.  It’s all so still

Suffocating in this shame and guilt

Wondering how I got here

Wondering how to leave

Endlessly she keeps pushing at me

Endlessly she just wont go away

Endlessly the nights all end in brokenness I can’t overcome.
Another day of hell has come and passed

I’m still here.  Why am I still here?
Endlessly we wait in stillness for something to fall

I don’t know what it is, it just hasn’t happened yet

Someone once said this too shall pass, it’s never gone away

Life happens in cycles

I seem to recycle the same story over and over 

The heroine escaped, she finally ran away

Into the arms of tranny, where she ran back again

Someone still the sounds of madness crying through the night

We are all praying, we can’t stop praying

Reality is broken, do you even know who you are anymore?
Another day of hell has come and gone.

I’m still here. What am I doing here?

Manipulation 

Such a sweet gift is memory!  It reminds us of our guilts.

The bloodstained hands, the torn up feet, eyes gouged out by our regrets.

Things we’ve done and songs we sung that brought us to these points.

How futile the attempts to erase the past.  Instead it swallows us whole.

Sifting through the broken strands of things we cannot hold in our grasp.

Pinpricks of light crack through the darkness where we hide our every sin.

And when the box needs a laugh, it kicks itself open spilling the contents out.

Topsy-turvy madness, confidences shattered, there is no end to this hell.

What a carnival is in my brain, enslaved by the Will of those surrounding.

How can I ever escape when I’ve been trained to depend on their every whim?

How frustrating to be enslaved to a mindset twisted and fashioned so well.

Every promise broken.  Every hope let down.  And yet I am helpless to save myself for I have become the perfect slave.

Flicker

Amidst the drowning there was a shore where light flashed with comfort.

Amidst the storm there was a whisper that helped to still the waves.

While chaos ensued there was a tether that helped ground sanity.

And while trapped within the frozen lake, footsteps resounded remaining a spark of hope.

Madness encumbered, trapped in the perfect cage.

Keyless entry, oh what a twist!  A prisoner to remain.

And why the Manipulator gets their way, and the prisoner does remain what frustrating puzzlement is this?

A beautiful trap awaited, the Fates are such a tease.

Forbidden fruit, what amazing bites, the taste being not for me.

Such sweet lies to fall into along the broken road tread, each one wrapped in their own disguise.  The scent is always the same.

Silly Pawn, the game is on!

Trusting illusions.  Trusting the disguise.

Alone in this frightful forest, Fate’s games I will slay on my own.

Clever Duck

Clever duckling, you silly fowl

Don’t stop moving, despite the growl

Barn dog barks, hurry home!

Little duck your pain you own.

Now get up, you feather-brain

Follow the pointed weather vane

March your feet and strut your stuff

Little duckling had enough!

Puffed out chest, you’re doing well

You got up every time you fell

Keep on going!  Your heart is whole

And don’t stop winning till you reach the goal