The last several months have been extremely difficult. Learning how to be a parent is quite challenging, and it seems as though I have had to put my life on hold in order to be there for him. This “giving up” included my writing, until recently.
While perusing the facespace one day, I noted that a good friend of mine was apart of a Fantasy Writers group, and so I asked to join it.
Joining that group was probably the best decision of my life.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I am doing what I was meant to do, every time I sit down at the computer typing away at an open document.
But this too, is difficult. For some reason, part of me is afraid of writing a piece that is so fulfilling in depth and detail, that it meets great writers like Salvator and Martin, Lewis and Tolkien, Carrol and Austen, eye to eye in literary art.
……and therefore, I don’t. I skim my way across the top of the story, as though a stone being tossed on a lake. Would that I might bond with greatness in me! But, that is my biggest fear.
Right now I rock my precious, sick child, typing away on my WordPress app on my phone, with other fears silent and strong crawling anxiously through my stomach.
Why? Why am I severely fearful?
Recently, I read II Timothy 1:7 a bit different than I used to.
For God did not give us a Spirit of Fear, but of Love, Strength and Sanity.
When reading through the bible, and the vast translations, I feel a great deal of disconnect with the text. After making this new discovery, I wonder how much more of the Scripture is mistranslated, or has the wrong synonym in play.
This verse is completely redefined when read this way, because, for me, it means that God desires I have peace, wisdom, strength, trust, and focus when things just want to spiral out of control. God doesn’t want us to go insane and lose our minds when we’re afraid, he wants us to stabilize, ground ourselves and get a grip.
How many times a day I might breathe better, sleep better, and serve my family better, resting on the knowledge that God does not want me to be fearful, rather hopeful and trusting that I am capable of so much more