Blank Page

Hello white screen.

I’m here to stare at you again.

I have hopes that your magic powers of illumination will draw the Words from my brain.

Pulling them from the core of me, as my eyes stare beyond you into Universes still unknown to the world.

Yet you sit there.  Empty.

You are the one with greater power, scaring my ideas away.

Intimidating me, with your flashy white teeth, the ink wont bleed and discolor your face.

Perhaps we need to chat about my pursuits.

You see, I am trying to write a story.

As you flash the cursor line at me, blinking anxiously as my fingers wait to patter away at the keys…..

This is nonsense.  I should be greater than you!  I can slay you with that tiny little X at the top corner!  I can will you to go away!

……however, this causes me more problems than it does you.  You will smile one last time with a wicked laugh as you flash away victorious.

How do we meld our minds so that we might summon the words peacefully?  Drawing from my inner pool of creation as one might a fountain?

Blank page, I think of you all the day long.  I think of the words I might put to you.  The stories I anxiously wish to tell…..

And yet you remain.  Here.  Untouched.

Intimacy we should share!  My heart would overflow to you in a precarious romance, in which I slaughter my soul at the eyes of the world.

Summon from me words.  I beg you.

Draw each of them out.  Rend my soul if you must.  Just let them flow.

Caught Daydreaming II

A skip in my chest.  Warmth spreads from the center, tendrils flowing toward my shoulders.

My arms curl around myself in reaction.  I sigh, closing my eyes, and suddenly you are there with me.

A hand flows with my hair, drawing gently on my neck to bring me into you.  I feel your face to my cheek.  Your lips gently press into my shoulder, and a shiver spreads behind my ear down to my back.

The fan swirls air about me.  The tease takes me back to dreaming.

Dreaming of happiness.  Dreaming of adventures.

Dreaming of sitting next to you as I sit and write.  To feel your shoulder against mine.

To hear your breath, a sniff, to watch you create worlds of your own as I create mine.

To taste your flesh.  To feel your lips to mine.

Projecting you into my daily routine.  I get lost in the idea.  It causes me to stop.

It distracts me.  Suddenly my mind goes blank.  And when it does, it fills with you.

Faet & Fantasy : The Dinner

A slow gnawing sadness crept into Kiena’s heart.  She tried to fend the tears, offering a wisp of a smile to everyone she passed.  Hopefully none would pursue and tell her to be festive.

She felt anything but festive.  Even the orbs emitting joy from the tables and hanging decor did not reach her heart to boost the mood.  Why the sadness had settled over her so suddenly, she’d not yet determined.

Crossing the great lawn where they held feasts on the flat of the dell, Kiena hoped to find an empty table near the edge of the crowd.  She scanned quickly to determine which of the empty ones she wanted, feeling a sudden tap at her shoulder.

“Excuse me?” A male voice said.

Kiena turned, baffled to know who might have possibly wanted her attention.  “Yes?” She responded, trying to sound friendly.

It was the same fae she’d shared a brief glance with the day he’d arrived.  “I’m Breigh.  I couldn’t help notice you looking for a seat.”

The slant of his eyes, point of his ears, style of his hair– Kiena felt her heart melt just staring at the face before her.  Flustered, and a bit embarrassed trying not to gawk, Kiena nodded, “I am.  I was going to sit over there.”

He seemed to notice she was staring, “Would you care to join us instead?” His hand stretched out to the table behind him where five others were talking and laughing.

She felt herself blink several times in her surprise to the request, “Sure.” Kiena smiled, walking over to the table with Breigh.

“Friends,” Breigh acknowledged, “this lovely young sprite has agreed to join us.  Your name, mi’lady?”

Blushing, Kiena laughed, “Oh, yes.  How silly of me to forget.  I’m Kiena.”

“Welcome, Kiena!” One of the females exclaimed brightly.  “Come sit.”

The unexpected exuberance of the winter fae at table energized Kiena and made her forget her sadness for a few moments.  A seat was open next to Breigh and she sat as he introduced his friends around the table starting with the one next to him, and ending with the one next to her.

“Kiena, meet Dax, Jordi, Düne, Loreghlyn, and Capra.”  Breigh pushed her chair in and then took his own seat.

Capra smiled broadly, “Tell us of you, Kiena.”

Kiena wasn’t used to having attention put on her, and she certainly did not wish to have it now.  “I’m not all that interesting, though I enjoy dabbling with growth and emotions.”

“You seemed to emanate sadness earlier.  A lovely fae such as yourself shouldn’t be sad with such fun to be had.”  Dax beamed, drumming his fingers in rhythm on the table, “Do you dance, Kiena?”

Kiena nodded timidly, “I do, I haven’t in some time though.”

“Broken heart.” Jordi winked at her.  His smile gentle, “Figured it out.”

Everyone at the table groaned, as though they hadn’t figured it out first.

“What?  Figured what out?”  Kiena felt her cheeks blush.

Loreghlyn chuckled, “Ignore them, what else do you do, Kiena?”

Lately all Kiena seemed to do was mope.  She tried to think of a pass time she used to enjoy, but none stuck out, “I bless others.  It’s not exciting really.”  The image of Rynn flashed in her mind.

“I find it exciting.”  Dax winked at her again.  He looked at the others, “Imagine the energy it takes to do that all the time.”

Kiena had to admit she’d never considered the amount of energy it took to cheer others up from time to time.

Breigh nudged her arm, “You’re doing it again.”  He leaned in, speaking to just her.

“What?  What am I doing?” Kiena questioned with puzzlement.

“Emanating sadness.  Feast!  Laugh!  Be merry, my friend.  Tonight you have no room at this table for ailments.”  He winked, lifting his cup out to her so she might clank it with hers.

Kiena smiled sadly, tapping the brim of his cup with hers, her heart a flustered tangle of knots.

The night was fun, and Breigh gave her undivided attention through the whole evening.  The image of his face seared into her memory  and remained as her eyes closed in bed that night, falling into a deep, peaceful sleep.

Caught Daydreaming

Our eyes meet through the glass.  My heart skips and tension constricts my throat.

Flustered I stand silently beside you, as though we are old friends and this is not the first we meet.

I wonder what you think, desiring to know everything filling your mind.

Nervous, awkward, I fish for words.  Irony, being a wordsmith with none on my tongue.

Desperately I wish to just stare at you.  Study you.  Take you in.  Memorize every detail as you sit across the table, before moving to my side.

Under scrutiny, I do not stare.  I hold my breath finding words for the first time -though, they do not flow as I might wish.

Amid the constant distraction, I am aware of warmth.  You are there beside me.  It is real.

Every little detail swirls in a fog of delightful memory.  Memories to recall forever.

A gentle guiding press, directing as we walk.  When we stop your eyes pierce my soul, sending electricity through my chest.  I have never known a “spark”.  Who knew they felt like lightning?

Is this how Imprinting should feel?  Searing into my chest forever the wondrous desire for you?

El Niño

A little boy emerged from the sea looking for his playmate.

Once he emerged, and the world welcomed him.

A second time, chaos ensued and the people scoffed.

They shook their fists at the sky, they threw their hands up in the air.  Some wept, others laughed.

Angry, the little boy confused their seasons, scattering the Winter in strange places.

Where piles should drift, there were none.

Where ice should be dripping, rain fell instead.

Frustrated the people continued to complain.

The little boy did not relent.

Meanwhile groundhogs everywhere laughed, playing with the boy as he ran through the fields and forests looking for his playmate.  Still she could not be found.

While Mother Nature slept her children were up to no good.

Faet & Fantasy : Dreaming

Kiena awoke with a start.  Breathing heavily she looked around her dark room honing in on reality.

“It was just a dream,” she whispered to herself sitting up.  Leaning back against the wall, she rubbed her brow.  Instant chill shook her, so she grabbed her shawl from beside her and wrapped it snuggly around her shoulders.

Rynn’s eyes were more intense everytime she dreamed of him.  That glance at her after she’d blessed him and Acacia.  They did not speak at his wedding, though she caught him looking at her.  It was a sad, sympathetic sort of look.  One that wished her as happy as he felt.

The concept cut at her.  To think she did not make him as happy as Acacia did brought fresh tears to Kiena’s eyes.

“What is wrong with me?”  Kiena beat her fist into her drawn knee.

Dawn was breaking.  Blue and grey began to glow out her window.  Her eyes drifted to it and she felt peace glint momentarily lifting  her heavy heart.

Tendrils of fog swirled slowly just beyond the glass.  Tiny crystals of ice had formed in a brilliant pattern on the bottom half of her circular four-paned window.

Kiena took a deep breath and settled deeper into the warming blankets.

Today the Winter Fae would arrive.

Maybe one of them are meant for me.

The thought caught Kiena off guard.  She shook her head hiding her face.  Not really sure why she should be embarrassed by her own thoughts when no one else was around.

Perhaps one with crystal blue eyes.

If she was going to entertain the thought, at least she’d make it pleasant.

“And sandy blonde hair,” she concluded the thought aloud.  “Who loves winter as much as I do.”

Rynn’s green eyes flashed in her mind again.  She curled tighter to fight against the image and the heartache brought with it.

This simply would not do.  If Kiena was ever going to recover from her sadness, she had to stand up and just do it.

So Kiena stood.  The winter bite reaching to her bones as she fumbled with the flint in her fireplace.

What Love is Abuse?

Which is better?

To be berated, blamed constantly for choices not your own?

To be neglected, questioning your worth?

Which is easier to overcome?

The mental anguish that riddles you with anxiety?

A twisted power play that rattles the cage you can’t escape from?

How delicate the balance that establishes our worth.

Tormented, forced to be reliant.  Dangling on broken strings!

Insufficient, forced to drown even when you were sitting still.

Who can allow such evils to exist in their brains, destroying the ones they love piece by piece?

Or is it love?  What IS love?

Anger at insufficiency, frustration at lack of progress, neither of these are love.

Berating and blame, neither of these are love.

Tearing down the worth of another, to mend your own inefficiencies, neither of these are love.

Abuses the world does not recognize as dangerous, these things kill even the strongest of people.  Their hands have not hit you, but their words will make your soul bleed