Endless Stillness

Another day of hell has come and passed

And I’m still here.  Why am I still here?

Another day of endless waiting ended

I’m still sitting still, sitting still.

It’s so still.  It’s all still.

Another empty day has passed on by

Crying.

Let us out of this broken cycle

It’s all so still.  It’s all so still

Suffocating in this shame and guilt

Wondering how I got here

Wondering how to leave

Endlessly she keeps pushing at me

Endlessly she just wont go away

Endlessly the nights all end in brokenness I can’t overcome.
Another day of hell has come and passed

I’m still here.  Why am I still here?
Endlessly we wait in stillness for something to fall

I don’t know what it is, it just hasn’t happened yet

Someone once said this too shall pass, it’s never gone away

Life happens in cycles

I seem to recycle the same story over and over 

The heroine escaped, she finally ran away

Into the arms of tranny, where she ran back again

Someone still the sounds of madness crying through the night

We are all praying, we can’t stop praying

Reality is broken, do you even know who you are anymore?
Another day of hell has come and gone.

I’m still here. What am I doing here?

Helpless Dependent

 I made the choice to change my whole life

Remember it as I hold this trembling knife

Drag it across my skin, then go and put it down again.

I’m not evicted from my home

I just choose to be alone

We all got away, from all the lonely pain

But this is not what I’d expected

This is not how it should have ended
I’ll pretend to be okay

If it gets me through this lonely today

I can paint a smile

And I can laugh for a little while

Make this moment melt away

Until I make it to you to stay

Forbid that I should die alone

I can’t do this on my own

Help me up when I’m not strong

This crashing down is dragging me along

A Millers Daughter

Spinning wheels crumbling

Baskets of gold go tumbling

The Millers Daughter goes back to rags

Not even a glimmering strain

 No chainlinks of hope remain

Cast out she goes among the hags

Rumplestiltskin is a liar

She is marched to a pyre

Poor Millers Daughter, taking the blame

Who could blame her hoping

To be more than blindly groping

Desiring to come out above her Fated lot

And now it seems Fate betrayed her

Rumplestiltskin was no savior

Cackling bystander mock what she is not

Broken lady, enslaved in grief

May your painful fate be brief

May there be mourning when you are found

Abandon hope Millers Daughter

Your kind has litte hope of Honor

A Sinners grave the final empty mocking ground

Stranger In My Eyes

Large blue eyes stare blankly in the mirror.  Whatever are they searching for?

They’re encumbered in somber dullness.  The gaze drifting lifelessly to other realms.

Capsized in a Universe of thought, stuck in a loop to repeat the painful moments over and over.

Just when everything felt Right it crashed down.

Just when the world began to make sense, like a card tower the pieces just blew away.

It all scattered to the wind when the fray of tempests began to creep in.

The gaze staring back in large blue eyes, cries out for help.  Like a scream from my soul, drowning in the blue of the ocean.

Happiness, what faulty prey, to waste your hopes on emotions.  Clearly passive strength will only last for so long before the tides topple it over.

As the mushroom cloud begins to subside, golden rain pours down to eat away my fleshly sorrows.

And still the reflection stares, begging to understand.  Begging that some kind of Hope will ring true in all the tipsy-turvy.

For I will not return home.  I cannot.  I was dead and alone.  Buried in my empty dreams.

At least there is breath in my lungs.  A chance to start over.  A chance to taste freedom from this cold, dark cage I once lived in.

Shall I be free again?  Remain so?

I cannot tell.  For my eyes dull their shine to Remember.  Oh I remember still.

Ashes

Pretty things all turn to ashes

Chopped up, broken, rust and scratches

Everything must come to an end.

And seen through the glass

Only shadows now pass

Unaware of the loss of a friend.

Despair reaches icy fingers

Where hopeless thought lingers

Playing the songs of the dead.

Biting cold steel

Reminds I can feel

And the carpet dries in red.

Promise of Affliction

Don’t speak.

Words hurt.

Don’t try to pursue the chaos.

It’s poisonous.

I’m cyanide.

I will only shatter you to pieces.

Don’t come too close.

I’m far too gone to save.

What kind of life do I promise?

What kind of joy could I bring?

The madness spins and spins.

Straw is turning to ash.

How can a broken heart produce gold?

Pretend with me the world is okay.

Pretend with me that I never hurt.

This box can cram shut.

Demons skipping around the room,

Laughing as the pieces continue to scatter.

Lament with me over the broken pieces.

And when I’ve stopped weeping, just go.

Wounded hearts feel the deepest of hope.

They feel the deepest heartache.

Chaos rages into the night.

The Dark is snickering.

Why?  What was my problem?

How could I be so easily disposable,

And so easily adored?

I’m a suicide note waiting to happen.

I’m good at pushing loved ones away.

I’m even better at hiding that anything was ever wrong.

And to think this chaos only started last week.

A sealed box of history past crashed open.

Suddenly a lifetime of memories feel like they happened yesterday.

Playing in Naïvety

I remember the first time it felt this cold.

I remember sobbing, watching careless eyes burn across the way.

I remember the first time it hurt to breathe.

I always loved the longest.

Whatever caused my heart to trust, to hope so deeply, needs to die.

I am the eyeless man with just a head who cried, yes! yes! as he was taken advantage of.  Giving away his posessions so willingly, and yet so foolishly.

I am the tree who has succumbed to winter.  Precious few leaves still clinging.

Whatever was I thinking?

I am my own perfect enemy.  And the war needs to come to an end.

Relentless

Happiness is not a place, it’s a state of mind.

It’s serenity in chaos, that so few  can ever find.

And why is it the tempests toil and destroy our brains?

These hurricanes smashing us, emotionally it drains.

For failure, I had it coming.  Fate seems set on this.

Somewhere in the Universe, my Destiny was to go amiss.

Flames are burning my walls down, while I’m still locked inside.

Somewhere in this madness, it’s a miracle I haven’t died.

I know where Happiness isn’t, and I don’t pursue the wrong door.

Somehow now I’m finding flashes of hope, in this miserable downpour.

Anyone listening…. Someone please stop the madness screaming in my head.

I’m coming to terms with the reality, the world would be better were I dead.

The grief that I spent three years running, just to end up back here.

The anguish that no matter how far I ran, you showed up in the mirror.

Well I’m done!  I can’t take this anymore.

After all the years of hurting you’ve left me with this score.

Why am I doomed to roam the earth in pain betraying?

Is this my Karma?  For all of my sins is this how I am paying?

Oh foolish child was I!  I was so frail, and sin so strong.

All the penance of earth wont cover my shame and wrong.

Somewhere down this frustrating road there must be a glimmer of relent.

A pin-prick of good fortune which could only be Heaven sent.

Maybe I’ll find it.  Perhaps in all my troubles I wont.

Until then, someone promise to bury me in satin if I don’t.

Writing Prompt Response: Out My Window

A box of concrete with two windows and a door is the place I’ve been hiding out.

Beyond the windows, the air is cool and crisp.  Green hills, with trees fading into autumn rest a gentle distance away.

Clouds are coming in, shading the world in gray.  it’s a beautiful sight, so inviting- enticing me to play… and yet I never leave.

Somewhere in the forest, all the Fae folk reside.  They’re having feasts and fellowship, dancing from dusk to dawn.

And yet for some reason, I remain alone.  Watching  Nature’s divine romance set the trees aflame from the window of my concrete hollow.

Perhaps I will join them tonight.  Embrace Freedom from this cave.

Depression is a fight, causing one to miss out on the beauties all around us.  Beyond the window of my concrete box are all the things I long to have, and none that I can touch.

Perhaps one day things will be right.  At least for now the window is open.  I can watch and enjoy the breeze.  The fresh cool air flourishing my spirits, and giving my heart new life.

The Unholy Harlot

She was a clever girl.  But lost and succumbed to the darkness inside her.

On the outside a shining smile, true Angelic being who lived to love.

Inside asking the mirror, “Am I beautiful?  Am I usuable?”

Undercover of darkness, she gave others the boost they needed to make it to the next day.  Dark silent deeds only Night could comprehend.

A toy.  A play thing.  Lovely enough to tarnish, ugly enough to hate.

Recklessly giving into the desires.  Recklessly bound to others, giving them what they wished as they wished it.

She was a broken, frustrated shard of glass.  Her sins innumerable to count.

Somehow undesired by all who would treat her right, twisted and broken – settling for less.  Always so much less.

The Perfect One never came.  He never rescued her from the tower.  The dragon was destroyed, but the castle remained in ruins.  Never to be lit up.

A perfect little church girl.  Mary’s twisted unholy little Lamb.  All the answers on the tip of her tongue.  The perfect Youth Pastor protege.

Eyes, sullen, dark, outlined in shame.  Afraid to cut, afraid to bleed.  Wishing the inside would finally die like her black soul.

It wasn’t that she was evil.  Tainted?  Indeed.  Abandoned to play in her own imagination.  Creating beautiful things outside the confines of Reality.

Playing night and day, learning how to grow up.  Inside wishing she could just die.  Death must be better than all this.  Jesus loved her even if the others didn’t, yes?

Selfish, all desiring the same thing.  Giving it away to them one by one.  But only to a point.  The perfect tease.  The perfect wish. Just a taste to keep them interested, until finally she was cast aside.