There are few words in life that accurately describe the emotional train wreck women experience during motherhood.
Currently, stressed and anxious, I count down the days to my daughter’s birth.
Today, we learned that she’s breeched. I have one week to help manipulate her into turning, and if she doesn’t, I’m scheduled into an appointment for an inversion. The determination to get her to flip first is pretty high– as I’m avoiding a c-section at all costs unless it’s absolutely necessary. 36 weeks and 2-4 to go, I’m so ready to be done.
The absolute delight of being published is not lost on me, nor the anticipation for more opportunities to put together other anthologies with my dear friends and peers in Den of Quills.
However, current circumstances in my home have brought about the worst in me, creating despair. Causing utter betrayal of my Game Face, ripping doors open to reveal the chaotic winds of “what if” that blow at hurricane strength in my heart.
Any semblance of Sanity I might produce gets formed to the written page in stories of free and frivolous characters. My latest being Keegan Brand and Farah. Ever since these two paired up in my imagination for the DoQ anthology, more stories and adventures desire to be told. They’re fun, new and interesting, which has been refreshing in the midst of Life.
We all need a bit of therapeutic indulgence from time to time-though I wish very much that Trillian and Yulissa would spark my Muse again as they are currently waiting for an episode to finish!
The Cast of Eldegras sit quietly in their green room, waiting for me to pick their series back up as well. High Fantasy, fully plotted out, with well defined world building finished, and character plots, sub-character plots, supporting cast….. All of it hanging in the shadow, waiting on me to have the courage to produce it.
Priorities align when you set the emotional roller-coaster aside and allow yourself to decide what is most important.
In writing, the self-doubt and lack of confidence that creeps in can hamper your desire to produce what you love.
Will the fear of rejection put your stories on a shelf in your brain, where no one else will ever experience them?
Will the efforts you put into your books be lost when you watch enthusiasm for your stories die out?
Right now, life in the Villa-Smith home is filled with uncertainty, worry, doubt, anxious anticipation– so many things are happening or waiting to happen.
I’m allowing the circumstances to dictate how I feel in a given moment, which in turn separates me from doing the things I love most. Writing of course, being one of them.
Don’t let your stress do that to you. It’s not worth it. If you have a hobby you absolutely enjoy, the core of your being thrives on it, don’t ever back burner to Life. Use it in the quiet moments to unwind and unlock what you’ve been holding onto. Pursue Yourself in the stillness when you can hide away in time to yourself. Make a point to not think about the things going on outside of your control, and just hold on to focusing on You.
It’s difficult, but after a while, realizing that you and your sanity are more important than your circumstances will help to make the most of every quiet moment you have.
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36 weeks pregnant with my second child, a newly published author, and a frazzled housewife raising a toddler, I do hope that my goings-on inspire you to push through and accomplish your dreams. There are no excuses, if housewives with young children can do it, so can you.