Tumbling

Alone.

I ache.

Inside I churn and toss.

This way– that way–

I created this merry-go-round.

Make it stop spinning,

Let me off.

A hole rests ahead.

And yet it seems a canyon.

I have been to this canyon before.

I cry out to you!

Screaming from the core of me.

Love me! All of me.

But you don’t hear me.

I am drenched in my tears.

I am alone.

The cavern in my chest collapsing around me.

Why do you abandon me?

Why don’t you seek me?

Why don’t you call to me?

Why do you leave me here?

Disconnected.

We are not One.

I am alone.

When I call to you, you silence me.

You do not reach back.

You put your hands on me.

But they don’t want my heart.

You want to connect with me in your way.

You do not find me the same.

I am alone.

Tumbling. Crumbling.

Dying.

My breath is faint within me.

I waste away.

End me.

Stop sending me tumbling.

Stop trying to hold my flesh,

While my heart bleeds out in your hands.

Promise of Affliction

Don’t speak.

Words hurt.

Don’t try to pursue the chaos.

It’s poisonous.

I’m cyanide.

I will only shatter you to pieces.

Don’t come too close.

I’m far too gone to save.

What kind of life do I promise?

What kind of joy could I bring?

The madness spins and spins.

Straw is turning to ash.

How can a broken heart produce gold?

Pretend with me the world is okay.

Pretend with me that I never hurt.

This box can cram shut.

Demons skipping around the room,

Laughing as the pieces continue to scatter.

Lament with me over the broken pieces.

And when I’ve stopped weeping, just go.

Wounded hearts feel the deepest of hope.

They feel the deepest heartache.

Chaos rages into the night.

The Dark is snickering.

Why?  What was my problem?

How could I be so easily disposable,

And so easily adored?

I’m a suicide note waiting to happen.

I’m good at pushing loved ones away.

I’m even better at hiding that anything was ever wrong.

And to think this chaos only started last week.

A sealed box of history past crashed open.

Suddenly a lifetime of memories feel like they happened yesterday.

Playing in Naïvety

I remember the first time it felt this cold.

I remember sobbing, watching careless eyes burn across the way.

I remember the first time it hurt to breathe.

I always loved the longest.

Whatever caused my heart to trust, to hope so deeply, needs to die.

I am the eyeless man with just a head who cried, yes! yes! as he was taken advantage of.  Giving away his posessions so willingly, and yet so foolishly.

I am the tree who has succumbed to winter.  Precious few leaves still clinging.

Whatever was I thinking?

I am my own perfect enemy.  And the war needs to come to an end.

The Lie

It was easy to say I love you when the emotions were all aglow.

The world was painted in different colors back then.

Had the garrish beams not been as bright, I might have seen the flaws.

The flaws would have changed my mind so much sooner.

They would have set me on edge and made me ask what I had been thinking.

But we’re all flawed.  It wouldn’t be different with another.

Each conversation ends the same.  You fantasize and romanticize along the way of what you desire to be, and yet these all stay as they are.

Nothing changes.

Fluttering hearts hold out for you.  One has resigned to disappontment.

Arms no longer reach with excitement.

Squeals no longer call out your name.

I am no longer the only soul hurt.  Two more joined the till.

Wanderlust

Warm arms that never comforted

Cold heart that beats blindly for more

Lips that just wont satisfy the ache inside the soul

Wrap the blanket tighter against the cold

Shivering alone inside the darkness of my soul

Missing the raptures of new found love

The tempest of emotions that rage curiously

Exciting romance, springing to life for the first time

Or is it the last time? Is it another braking time?

Missing the thrill of a first mate on debut

Missing the jitters that go with laying eyes on someone new

The journey began waning falling off it’s course

Perhaps theres hope but neither knows for sure

Say you love, but I know better

Say you want this, but I know better

Say you’ll fix it, but I know better.