Friendzones and Endzones

I don’t want to fall in love with you,

But I don’t want you to love somebody else

Everything will change between us,

I know it’s selfish, but I can’t help myself.

You’re everything that means a lot to me

And I don’t ever want you to change

You’re my favorite regret

I wish I’d waited instead

You remind me what it feels like to be true to me

Please don’t go so far away

I know I can’t make you stay

I’m so scared that you’ll forget me

So please don’t forget me.

Love is weird, attraction makes us do things we’d never do

And we hide from those who remind us who we are

Struck down by things that aren’t true

Compulsive unspoken expectations creating scars

Causing us to hide away

Hide away, hide away, hide away

You’re everything that means a lot to me

And I don’t want you to change

You’re my favorite regret

I wish I’d waited on you instead

You remind me what it feels like to be true to me

Please don’t go so far away

I know I can’t make you stay

I’m so scared that you’ll forget me

Please don’t forget me and all we

Built inside together

You’re the only one who knows how deep I can doubt

I need you to remind me

This heartache won’t last forever

I’m so sorry for always pushing you out

You’re my favorite regret

I wish you’d fall for me instead

You remind me what it feels like to be true to me

Please don’t go so far away

You’re my favorite regret

I wish you’d fall for me instead

You remind me what it feels like to be true to me

Please don’t go so far away

I know I can’t make you stay

I’m so scared that you’ll forget me

I’m so scared that you’ll forget me

I’m so scared that you’ll forget me

So please don’t forget me

Faet & Fantasy : Nothing At All

“What other delights of winter am I missing out on?” Kiena asked Breigh as they sat together on her tier of the dell, legs dangling over the edge, and all the world growing silent with the coming night.

“A great many things.” Breigh smiled.

They were wrapped in blankets now, sipping warm cider. Kiena’s wings had warmed and flitted gently once in a while to circulate.

“That tells me rather little, don’t you think?” Her smile was bright, energetic in a new kind of way. Perhaps getting out more with someone new, to see the sights she’d never known before was what she’d needed all along.

Breigh’s eyes were fixed across the way, “Winter is among the most relaxing of times. There is no one else out, and you can hear the earth as it sleeps.”

“How is that, exactly? What does the sleeping earth sound like?”

“Close your eyes and listen.”

She did, a bit reluctantly, clasping her warm cup in both hands, holding it a might tighter as she looked into the darkness. “Now what?”

“Listen.”

Kiena did. Her ears sharpened, and she focused on the sounds around her. There was nothing there. Faint sounds of others laughing or talking around the dell, faint whispers of wind calling through the trees. But little else.

“I don’t hear anything.” She opened her eyes and looked at him.

“Exactly.”

Kiena laughed, “That’s all I get? There’s silence and that’s why it’s so enjoyable?”

Breigh winked at her, “Don’t tell me you don’t enjoy the silence from time to time. In fact, I think you crave it more than you wish to admit.”

“You’re not wrong. However, sometimes it’s nice to know others are around to hear you. My friends sleep during the winter.” Kiena added.

“Did you say you have friends?” Breigh cocked an eyebrow, “I was sure you said there were no friends.”

Kiena let out a laugh of disbelief, “Animals are friends, believe it or not, and I do enjoy their company.”

“I can see the appeal.”

She glanced at him a moment, soaking in the joy she felt being with him. His black hair had never been restyled after they landed, and locks had fallen out of his ponytail, swirling gently around his face once in a while when the wind blew. His crystal blue eyes turned to her, and she blushed, looking away.

He took her hand, stroking it with his thumb, “What’s wrong?”

Kiena’s lips tugged to a shy smile, “Nothing at all.”

Without hesitation, Breigh took her face in his hands, kissing her.

Taken off guard, Kiena put her hand on his wrist, and as the kiss deepened with passion, her fingers strayed to his loose strands of hair, gently weaving her fingers into it.

Breigh’s arms wrapped around her, drawing her near, and she melted into his embrace, feeling overwhelmed.

They parted and he pressed his face into her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Kiena asked.

He pulled back, looking her in the eyes. Gentle and yet strong. Serene and yet passionate. “I am.”

Kiena felt nervousness slide into her heart. When winter was over, and his colony went home, would Breigh go with them?

Breigh noticed the change, “Are you okay?”

Kiena looked down, feeling ashamed of the brief pause, “I am.” She looked back up at him, sitting up right.

“Did I do something wrong?”

She took his hand reassuringly. “Nothing at all.”

“Kiss me again.” He said, putting his hand to her cheek, leaning in before she could respond.

Kiena melted again under his touch, a silent tear tracing her cheek as she let his nearness and warmth overpower her heart in ways she thought she’d never feel again.

Faet & Fantasy : Frozen

Kiena and Breigh spent much time together over the next few weeks, as winter set deeper in. Yule would soon be approaching, which meant the moments they weren’t together, Kiena was busy planning festivities.  The fae celebrated something every few days during the holiday season, and she was continually moving to and fro with preparations.  It was becoming easier for her to create decorations while she was caught up in the motions, and the holidays did not leave her much time to spend time alone thinking.

The forest around them was covered in white.  Kiena didn’t generally do much exploring in the winter months, preferring to stay close to the dell.  While she didn’t mind the cold, she didn’t like the way her wings felt when they were cold, and it took too much time to thaw them when she arrived home again.  This did not stop Breigh from asking her to join him every chance he had.

“The sun is shining, we should take advantage of it.”  Breigh held his hand to Kiena, his eyes bright.

Kiena chuckled, his expression charming and child-like, “You’re a Winter Fae, your wings are made for the cold.  What will you do if my wings freeze?”

“I shall carry you,” he said matter-of-fact, as though he’d already planned every detail of the adventure.  “Come with me, I couldn’t trust any guidance greater than yours.”

“What do you wish to see?  The world is sleeping, and my friends sleep with it.”

“Anything, as long as it’s with you.  Come.  Go with me.”

Kiena coudn’t help feel drawn by the intensity of his gaze, she found herself taking his hand, and they flew together up and away from the dells.

Looking down at the forest, the trees were still.  Their naked branches reaching to the sky, while the ground below slept under a thick blanket of snow.  Sunlight brightened all the world, the world glaring bright back at the sky.

The river glinted, crusted in ice, as though enchanted by the Winter.  Kiena imagined what it might look like surrounded by different colored lights and decorations.

Breigh guided them as they flew, firmly holding to her hand. They followed the riverbed until the reached the waterfall.

Kiena held her breath as they approached, the view of the frozen falls causing her eyes to grow in awe and wonder.

Icicles cascaded one into another down from the cliff above.  A cave behind the water could be seen peeking through the delicate icy teeth, framed as though by magic, with an allure of grace.

Gently coming down onto a frozen plume of froth, Kiena took the sight in.

Breigh watched her intently, his gaze strong and passionate.

Reaching her hand out to touch the ice, she glanced up.  Their tiny bodies were half the size of most icicles, she felt insignificant in the  shadow of another plume of frozen froth above her.  Many of these frozen clusters splayed around them, as though floating in time and space, waiting to fly away.

“Breigh,” she breathed, awestruck.

He smiled, taking her hand, and flying upward again.  Gently guiding her, they danced in flight across, around, up and down the frozen falls.

Kiena laughed, closing her eyes to take in the feel of the brisk wind and listen to the stillness in this glorious place.

She could make out the sound of a low rumbling, as though the ice was breathing.  Her eyes glanced up, as she took over, guiding them to the top of the falls.

The mountain range grew in height beyond the lake, rocky peaks surrounded by  the skeletons of breathless trees stood about the frozen lake.  The gentle rumble caught her attention again, and Kiena let go of Breigh’s hand to light gently on the surface.  She knelt gently down, her hand stretched out to touch the ice.

“The water below is still moving,” she said, her eyes meeting his.

“It is.  The fish are alive below us.  The depth of the lake determines how frozen the water becomes.”

Kiena realized she did not know very much about winter.  Which suddenly she found odd, considering her and Rynn used to spend a great deal of time exploring.

Reaching out his hand again, Breigh beckoned her to him.

They took hands, and on the surface of the ice, Breigh began to dance.  Kiena wobbled a bit, not quite used to gliding on something so slippery and bumpy, she softly fluttered her wings to take her to her toes and hover above the ice until she got used to how it felt.

“Have you ever done something so amazing?” Breigh asked with a wide smile, clearly enchanted with Kiena.

“I have done many things, but this is not one of them.”  Kiena allowed herself to move and glide as Breigh led.

After a few more moments, Kiena began to feel a shudder in her wings.  She stumbled and fell into Breigh.

He caught her, righting her again, “Are you alright?”

“My wings,” she turned, “they’re beginning to feel the cold.”

He picked her up into his arms, “Let’s get you home.  We can come again.”  He smiled at her, before taking off again, heading back to the dell.

She found herself snuggled into his shoulder, wrapping her arms tight around him, not so much worried about falling or being dropped, but for keeping the memory close.  To cherish new experiences with a new friend and remember them with joy.

 

Faet & Fantasy : The Dinner

A slow gnawing sadness crept into Kiena’s heart.  She tried to fend the tears, offering a wisp of a smile to everyone she passed.  Hopefully none would pursue and tell her to be festive.

She felt anything but festive.  Even the orbs emitting joy from the tables and hanging decor did not reach her heart to boost the mood.  Why the sadness had settled over her so suddenly, she’d not yet determined.

Crossing the great lawn where they held feasts on the flat of the dell, Kiena hoped to find an empty table near the edge of the crowd.  She scanned quickly to determine which of the empty ones she wanted, feeling a sudden tap at her shoulder.

“Excuse me?” A male voice said.

Kiena turned, baffled to know who might have possibly wanted her attention.  “Yes?” She responded, trying to sound friendly.

It was the same fae she’d shared a brief glance with the day he’d arrived.  “I’m Breigh.  I couldn’t help notice you looking for a seat.”

The slant of his eyes, point of his ears, style of his hair– Kiena felt her heart melt just staring at the face before her.  Flustered, and a bit embarrassed trying not to gawk, Kiena nodded, “I am.  I was going to sit over there.”

He seemed to notice she was staring, “Would you care to join us instead?” His hand stretched out to the table behind him where five others were talking and laughing.

She felt herself blink several times in her surprise to the request, “Sure.” Kiena smiled, walking over to the table with Breigh.

“Friends,” Breigh acknowledged, “this lovely young sprite has agreed to join us.  Your name, mi’lady?”

Blushing, Kiena laughed, “Oh, yes.  How silly of me to forget.  I’m Kiena.”

“Welcome, Kiena!” One of the females exclaimed brightly.  “Come sit.”

The unexpected exuberance of the winter fae at the table energized Kiena and made her forget her sadness for a few moments.  A seat was open next to Breigh and she sat as he introduced his friends around the table starting with the one next to him, and ending with the one next to her.

“Kiena, meet Dax, Jordi, Düne, Loreghlyn, and Capra.”  Breigh pushed her chair in and then took his own seat.

Capra smiled broadly, “Tell us of you, Kiena.”

Kiena wasn’t used to having attention put on her, and she certainly did not wish to have it now.  “I’m not all that interesting, though I enjoy dabbling with growth and emotions.”

“You seemed to emanate sadness earlier.  A lovely fae such as yourself shouldn’t be sad with such fun to be had.”  Dax beamed, drumming his fingers in rhythm on the table, “Do you dance, Kiena?”

Kiena nodded timidly, “I do, I haven’t in some time though.”

“Broken heart.” Jordi winked at her.  His smile gentle, “Figured it out.”

Everyone at the table groaned, as though they hadn’t figured it out first.

“What?  Figured what out?”  Kiena felt her cheeks blush.

Loreghlyn chuckled, “Ignore them, what else do you do, Kiena?”

Lately all Kiena seemed to do was mope.  She tried to think of a pass time she used to enjoy, but none stuck out, “I bless others.  It’s not exciting really.”  The image of Rynn flashed in her mind.

“I find it exciting.”  Dax winked at her again.  He looked at the others, “Imagine the energy it takes to do that all the time.”

Kiena had to admit she’d never considered the amount of energy it took to cheer others up from time to time.

Breigh nudged her arm, “You’re doing it again.”  He leaned in, speaking to just her.

“What?  What am I doing?” Kiena questioned with puzzlement.

“Emanating sadness.  Feast!  Laugh!  Be merry, my friend.  Tonight you have no room at this table for ailments.”  He winked, lifting his cup out so she might clank it with hers.

Kiena smiled sadly, tapping the brim of his cup with hers, her heart a flustered tangle of knots.

The night was fun, and Breigh gave her undivided attention through the whole evening.  The image of his face seared into her memory  and remained as her eyes closed in bed that night, falling into a deep, peaceful sleep.

Faet & Fantasy : Kiena’s Blessing

At a distance the faerie hovered, peering around the tree she hid behind.  A single crystal tear escaped.  She flicked it quickly away chiding herself for crying.  Promising oneself not to cry is ridiculous, the heart is an untamed imp with a mind of its own.

They took hands.  She felt her body shudder as her throat strangled a sob.

It shouldn’t hurt, but it did.  Love was a fickle thing.

As their brows touched, and her vision went blurry, Kiena clenched her jaw.  Balling a fist, the faerie tried to strengthen her resolve but the tears would not depart on command.

She was just going to have to bless the couple regardless of the trembling sobs overtaking her.

With a deep breath that crackled in her chest, she grit her teeth, and raised a hand.

“May she bring you Light.”  A thin flitting of glittery magic swirled toward the couple.  “May she bring you joy.”  It encircled them, though neither noticed for they could not see the magic Kiena gave them.

“May she fulfill all of your dreams, so that you will never be in want.

“May she bear you children, and raise them in harmony and peace.

“May she never bring you ill-will, or contention.

“May there always be peace within your families.

“May love abound unguarded.

“May she adore you all of her days.”

Kiena couldn’t continue as she pressed into the tree, overwhelmed by her grief.  After a long moment crying silently, she finished her blessing in a whisper, “And may her life be free of darkness- though if there is, may it be easy to overcome.  For happiness I gift you, and joy, that your days may be full.”

With that, the magic encircling the couple consumed them in a wind.

~*~

Rynn knit his brow glancing around, having felt the effects of the magic.  His eyes met Kiena’s one eye that peered from behind the tree.  For a moment his heart stopped, as quickly as he blinked, she vanished and he heard her wings buzzing urgently away.  A sad smile turned half of his mouth up.  He would always have room in his heart for her.

And then his eyes met those of the love of his life.  Her eyes glittered like the stars in the heavens, enchanting his entire being.  Without another thought of Kiena, he took this lovely creature into his arms, and kissed her as he’d never kissed before.

Beautiful Potential

Precious little girl, you are more than this.

The darkness that consumes you, and breathes into your life has no power to remain there.

Sweetest little child, you are not judged by the darkness that you surround yourself in.  You’re free to let it go.

I know it protects you.  It keeps your sins from coming to light.

But do you know what else it does?  It tears you away from your potential.  It keeps you from accomplishing the things you were meant to.

You are so gifted, your heart is beautiful.  The words pouring out of your soul are worth reading, and worth being put on the shelves.  Your words were meant to be read, they were meant to be enjoyed.  

You have friends to join you in this Quest.

You have friends invested in your success.

You have support that loves you, they delight in you.

You have hope because they wont leave you until the Journey is done.

It’s beautiful, embrace it.

Your mind, your heart, your desires, your passions.  You are Beautiful and worthy of so much more.

Let go of the Darkness.  Let go of the Bondage and embrace your potential.

It is worth it.