A Letter to God

Dear God, it’s me.

I don’t know if you remember who I am. But I remember you.

I’ve kind of fallen back, and as I’ve fallen, found my faith gone slack.

I’m trying to find who I am, out of who I used to be.

Times have changed. I’m divorced, but I’m still a parent, and I’m about to be a bride again.

I’m afraid of your grace, and your judgement. Trying to find your plan in all of this– it isn’t easy to set aside all that I’ve been taught, and trust you.

I want to trust you, but every time I do, something seems to go wrong. Do I do it?

I’ve not been looking for you, while I’m finding myself. I don’t know what’s wrong with my failing heart, losing hold of everything I love.

Motivation, desire…. I fade slowly into nothing. The corner of the room is right where I fit best, self-inflicted woes to bear my scars out loud.

This is not who I was, and it’s not who I want to be– help change me to who I am meant to be. Because all I know is I want more than this hollowed shell I’m existing in.

Consume me. Make me yours.

Dumbest Duckling

Stupid duck and clever fox

Stepped into the ring to box

Honey words and charming grin

The duck soon was giving in

Little duck became his dinner

She the saint and he a sinner

Poor duckling ran to get away

For she knew she could not stay

Months went by without a word

She went back to pack her herd

But while staying there she learned his wiles

Charming her with gaze and smiles

But his words rehearsed and failing

She lost all that had been waiting

Hope for better nests to bed

Hope for room to lay her head

Ruffled feathers and broken spine

The duck hoped once more to align

Until she saw the mess she made

Stupid duck a grave had laid

The HoT Con

This weekend I went to the Heart of Texas Comic Con.  It was interesting and exciting.  And a little bit boring, considering I was alone.  By myself.  This put me out of my comfort-zone as I had to talk to people and engage on my own.


Some of the people I engaged were from the Emerald Keep.


They were a fun bunch of people who keep the Medieval traditions alive through craftmanship, and live action role play.  Although they do not participate in the Reniessance festivals, they DO have their own Kingdoms they participate in through the SCA.

Others I met was one of the singing Pirates who regularly perform at Scarborough Fair in Waxahachie TX.  I am looking VERY much forward to seeing them again at the festival.  ((They’re going to be by the Mermaids.))




If you haven’t figured out who my character is, I went as Sadness from Inside Out.  Cosplaying as Sadness was a LOT of fun.  I overheard people left and right, “Awww, she’s Sadness”, “Oh, I just figured out what the ball is for”.  I also had people take pictures with me, and I got several hugs.  It was awesome.



…..yes.  My hair is a different shade in this photo, than it was at the Con.



I had intened all along to go to HoT Con on Friday, March 11th.



But instead…… this happened.  And CLEARLY I couldn’t let this continue.

I used a Splat Ombre kit.  It was supposed to be Blue Envy, and in the middle along the back, a gorgeous Lusty Lavender.

I bleached it, washed it like the instructions told me to, and then colored within the same two hours.
Pretty?  Yes.  Spotty and NOT what I was looking for?  Also Yes.

Something simply HAD to be done.



This was not all that happened that night.  On Friday I showed up at the Con with an hour left to hang out, to find I left my wallet at home.  I went to the window and asked if there was anything she could do to offer a discount, since I would have to drive home and back, leaving only half an hour to explore the event.
It took fifteen minutes to get home, and then gaslight came on.  Well, I wasn’t going to make it on Friday night.  I literally was Sadness.  My hair had been a disaster, and then I didn’t make it.
After I arrived at the store to pick up comfort food, it poured down rain for ten minutes, leaving me in the car afraid of getting blue spots all over my brand new gray sweater. ((My hair streamed in a beautiful shade of aqua blue every time water hit it.  I washed it a grand total of three times in less than 36 hours.))

The next day, ((Saturday)) I went to Sally’s Beauty Supply and asked the clerk if I could fix it.
Thank God I could.


Sunday morning came and…..

((Atomic Turqouis is the color.  It’s Vegan, easy to apply, and gorgeous.  My hair doesn’t feel damaged after applying it either!))



Yay!  It worked!  Off to the Con I went, my Sadness costume now being complete.


So anyway, back to the people I met.  I went to talk to the authors first.  The first one I met? …Pretty sure I left a terrible impression.

When meeting authors, you want them to talk about their books. You engage them with interest, even if you’re not interested in their genre.  It was my first time to do something like this, with literally no idea what I was attempting.

Oh my gosh!  Real words!  I had to use real words.  Facebook is where I hang out with authors.  We type, post pictures and videos, none of us having to use real words to strike conversations.  But then again, we also all know each other after a couple years of investing in relationships.

So, I feel it’s going pretty badly and try to gracefully, however terribly, most horribly awkwardly, end the conversation to walk away.  That failed.  Utterly, completely.  Failed.

Hoping to make a better go of it, I went to another author.  She and I actually ended up having a great conversation.  Her books were not in my genre of interest either, but I took her business card, and she gave me links to find local writing groups.  Yay!

Other authors I met were the creators of My First Fandom board books.  They were a fun family who create board books together.  I can’t wait to buy them as soon as I have the opportunity.

I also met an artist who creates comic books featuring his dog Tugg, who is a rescue dog.  Tugg was drawn up as several various heroes on handmade trading cards!
Procedes from the purchase of his comic books go to saving other rescue dogs.  Pretty awesome cause if you ask me.

One of my favorite vendors was a father who makes his own lightsabers, because one day his girls decided they wanted one.  Instead of going out and buying plastic sabers, he MADE them their own.

My favorite people I met that day was one of the singing pirates who will be performing at the Scarborough, one of the art vendors – who I learned works at Neiman Marcus though he does not like his job, and the guys from The Game Closet.


All of this enthusiasm I’ve built up in my head today has given great excitement for the next event.  Cannot wait for it to come my way.
Until then, I prepare a costume, and my very own song, to be a Siren for Scarborough Fair.