Tumbling

Alone.

I ache.

Inside I churn and toss.

This way– that way–

I created this merry-go-round.

Make it stop spinning,

Let me off.

A hole rests ahead.

And yet it seems a canyon.

I have been to this canyon before.

I cry out to you!

Screaming from the core of me.

Love me! All of me.

But you don’t hear me.

I am drenched in my tears.

I am alone.

The cavern in my chest collapsing around me.

Why do you abandon me?

Why don’t you seek me?

Why don’t you call to me?

Why do you leave me here?

Disconnected.

We are not One.

I am alone.

When I call to you, you silence me.

You do not reach back.

You put your hands on me.

But they don’t want my heart.

You want to connect with me in your way.

You do not find me the same.

I am alone.

Tumbling. Crumbling.

Dying.

My breath is faint within me.

I waste away.

End me.

Stop sending me tumbling.

Stop trying to hold my flesh,

While my heart bleeds out in your hands.

Dear Little Girl

Precious Child, I have some Wisdom I wish others had shared with me.

Your skin is flawless, like porcelain.  It’s sincerely beautiful.
I wish I had taken care of mine, I hadn’t known then what I know now.

Don’t wear the make-up, pressed powder will do.  Your complexion is so delicate, be gentle with every inch of it.
You’re beautiful.  Wear the sunscreen, protect your beauty or one day you’ll look like me.  Damaged, scarred, reddened and rough.

I have some freckles, they don’t help.  So please don’t argue about the sunscreen.

Brush your teeth faithfully.  Keep them shining and healthy.
I didn’t.  And I cannot take back the damage.

Your life is so incredibly worth it.  Somebody loves you enough to help you through.

Enhance your beauty, but don’t smother it.  Wash your face before you go to bed.  I’ll teach you the proper skin care I wish someone had taught me.

Your smile is beautiful and true.  Never be afraid of who you are.  I’ll walk you through this life, and help you learn the True Beauty tucked inside.

The surface is important, you will determine how you feel based on how you look.  The woman who says women shouldn’t let how they look affect them, is right– but how you feel about yourself is going to stare at you from the mirror.

I let that woman control me.  Everything I didn’t see, I tried to create.  I was skinny, I was caked, and I still had yellow teeth.

Your appearance isn’t everything.  But it is going to bother you whether you wish it or not.  You’ll look to be someone else, or something else.  The best thing you can be is YOU.

And I’m going to teach you how to do this.  Because Beauty is more than skin deep.  And you’re already beautiful.  But I don’t want you looking in the mirror and regretting what I have, so I’ll help you believe in yourself like no one believed in me.