Over Soon

Tell me this is gonna pass

Tell me it’ll all be over soon

This is it.  I got away, made my escape

What happens next?

Where do I go from here?

I didn’t plan that far ahead

I did all I could just to survive

And now I’m looking through the glass

Discovering a world I never knew existed

There is light.  There is freedom. There is love.

But how can I truly deserve it?

Look at the road where I have been 

Look at all I came through

How can I be worthy of walking in light?

How can I be worthy of your love?

It’s comfortable to be here.

Comfortable to rest inside the hope

That maybe I might be free at last

No more pain or broken pieces

It’s hard to let them go.

Hard to trust in something Real for once.

It’s uncomfortable to fear the worst

It’s uncomfortable to think that I am worth it–

When until this point I have not been

I’m so imperfect.  I’m so broken.

The perfect trophy fell off of the shelf

And she shattered.

Every shard reminds me of the past

Each regret carved into my flesh.

But you say I’m everything.

That you want me.

How can this be?

Can someone truly want me, for me?

I know I make mistakes, I can name them all

I know one of them was him.

I know I destroyed myself

I’m so imperfect.

But if you can wait and see, this is not Me.

I know I’m someone else, and someone else is breaking out of Me.

This will all be over soon,

I will be stronger than ever I was before.

But that doesn’t mean that I am mended

It takes time to scar over, and scars never fade

I promise I’ll be back to normal soon

This will all finally be over soon

Over Again

The air is thin.

It causes my lungs to collapse.

So much at stake starting over again.

Blood pounds viciously through my veins.

I can feel my anxiety as though it were crawling in my flesh.

My head spins.

My breath is short.

My throat constricts.

Unhappiness it lingers.

There is Joy nowhere.

The darkness gets darker still.

I feel trapped, I feel alone.

The loneliness fills my soul with mourning.

Mourning what was not.

Mourning what never has been.

Wandering back through the memories to a time when we were more than this.

What has gone right?

Everything even started wrong.

Two little ones I created even forgotten most days by you.

How is neglect love?

Or sitting together but never talking?

How is this important, when I’ve seen all that was not?

Don’t fool yourself, it isn’t working.

Two neglected hearts are broken.

Three, but mine never truly trusted anyway.

And so here we are.

And now I’m even more lonely than before.