Awakening To Light 

Behind me lies a dark forest

I was trapped with no way out for so long

When a soft glimmer of light  caught my eye

Tearing through thorny bushes I tracked it

Urgency pounded in my chest as each step took me closer to the edge of the forest

Who knew an edge existed?

Who knew the darkness wasn’t where I belonged?

I escaped to breathe fresh air and dance in cool grass

But the wounds from the thorn bushes reminded me that I did not belong in this pasture

I turned back to the forest, armed with a tiny sword

Monsters jumped me when I went back

Ones I never knew were there before 

Slaying the monsters was impossible

They were stronger and greater than I

My sword broke and I ran

Vines crept out and tangled around my ankle, their thorns biting my flesh

I looked around alone, having been warned this was foolish

Frantically I used what was left of my sword to cut the vines from my ankles

As the monsters came screaming I ran from the forest and back out into the sun

The beasts growled angrily, afraid of the light trying to trap me with their wiles

Words were futile

While I was a bleeding, broken mess my resolve was never stronger

I was not going back.

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Insomnia

Staring lifeless into darkness waiting for the Night to turn back to Day
Hours creeping silently, I’m afraid of the Dark
Not the darkness itself, but what rests beneath the covering

Where’s the Promise that everything gets better?
Why so Silent, you promise to be there when I need you most.

What will it take for you to hear me?
What does it take for you to hear me?

Inside, I cry, the walls are closing in.
Outside, I try not to lose it all again.
Somewhere this side of heaven I need to know for sure
You’re watching and caring for the breaking pieces inside of me.

Slumber evades me, everytime I try to go to sleep something happens
Another hour or two passes by, silent anxiety causing my brain to scream
Were those gun shots?  Was that glass breaking?
Are you there to comfort me when I cryout to you?

I remain cold and in the dark.
I can’t feel your arms around me

Inside, I cry, the walls are closing in.
Outside, I try not to lose it all again.
Somewhere this side of heaven I need to know for sure
You’re watching and caring for the breaking pieces inside of me.

Missing You

I’m missing you tonight.  And all the little things we used to do.

I’m stuck inside the memories, leaving a gaping hole inside my heart.  One where you should be.

I’m missing you tonight.  And all the rainy days, the sunny days, the cold and windy lonely days, we spent inside your house at night, eating cereal on the kitchen counter while a light shone in from the living room.

The time we poured coffee through the coffee maker.

The time you lost your gas cap, we drove back to find it.  It had been run over at the stoplight so you had to buy a new one.

Trying on dresses at the department stores, fanticizing glamor for the future.

We said we’d be sisters forever.  Forever came to an end too soon.

And I’m missing you so dearly.  The hole in my heart I can’t ignore much longer.

I’ve cried so many times wishing for your company, but I know those days are gone.

 

We’ve grown up, and you’ve moved on.

Even now, I hope you know I still love you, and I miss you, and I wish you ever so much happiness.  I hope he gives you the joy you need, and I’m sorry I missed out on the good times, the hard times, the most important loving times.  You two went through so much and I was so far away.

Now here I am with two kids.  You’re off to new adventures, new friends and family to join you.

Here in my lonely memories, I still hold onto the times we had even though the memories they make me sad.

I want you to know I’ll always be right here if you ever decided to come back my way.  I know it won’t be the same, those days are long behind us, and the future has no room for two little girls with adventures in their dreams.

I had only ever hoped you’d share those adventures with me.