Tumbling

Alone.

I ache.

Inside I churn and toss.

This way– that way–

I created this merry-go-round.

Make it stop spinning,

Let me off.

A hole rests ahead.

And yet it seems a canyon.

I have been to this canyon before.

I cry out to you!

Screaming from the core of me.

Love me! All of me.

But you don’t hear me.

I am drenched in my tears.

I am alone.

The cavern in my chest collapsing around me.

Why do you abandon me?

Why don’t you seek me?

Why don’t you call to me?

Why do you leave me here?

Disconnected.

We are not One.

I am alone.

When I call to you, you silence me.

You do not reach back.

You put your hands on me.

But they don’t want my heart.

You want to connect with me in your way.

You do not find me the same.

I am alone.

Tumbling. Crumbling.

Dying.

My breath is faint within me.

I waste away.

End me.

Stop sending me tumbling.

Stop trying to hold my flesh,

While my heart bleeds out in your hands.

Promise of Affliction

Don’t speak.

Words hurt.

Don’t try to pursue the chaos.

It’s poisonous.

I’m cyanide.

I will only shatter you to pieces.

Don’t come too close.

I’m far too gone to save.

What kind of life do I promise?

What kind of joy could I bring?

The madness spins and spins.

Straw is turning to ash.

How can a broken heart produce gold?

Pretend with me the world is okay.

Pretend with me that I never hurt.

This box can cram shut.

Demons skipping around the room,

Laughing as the pieces continue to scatter.

Lament with me over the broken pieces.

And when I’ve stopped weeping, just go.

Wounded hearts feel the deepest of hope.

They feel the deepest heartache.

Chaos rages into the night.

The Dark is snickering.

Why?  What was my problem?

How could I be so easily disposable,

And so easily adored?

I’m a suicide note waiting to happen.

I’m good at pushing loved ones away.

I’m even better at hiding that anything was ever wrong.

And to think this chaos only started last week.

A sealed box of history past crashed open.

Suddenly a lifetime of memories feel like they happened yesterday.

Illusion Of Control

Moments ticking ebb away
Words falter, afraid to stay
Slipping past all time or reason
Broken heart, confusing treason
Anchored by what is illusion
Feeling this was an intrusion
Speculate the emotional state
By which we now separate
A rift it grows canyon wide
on either cliff we stake our side
The grip I bore on your heart
By windy gale now ripped apart
And I so vigilant to behold
How easily you could have sold
Buying in to fear and doubting
Drowned by how gaily sounding
The banshee wail, now strong to sing
How we fail in this floundering
But I, yet I thought we Two
Whole, Loved, just me, just you
Alas how wrong my thoughts confound me
When this turn abhorrent, astounding
Shakes me to my frail core
We are not so strong to form
Bonds of eternity for communion
Again I peer to this illusion
Control, control, or say it now
I was merely played, and yet how
Was I blind to your advances
Risking all in flighty chances
Here you lie in ruin, despair
In your eyes, a glassy stare
Comfort, I find now there
Naked, your soul lays bare
And now my time has come
To turn with a solid sum
Done, done am I with your tricks
The tumbling ruins, this house of bricks
Home no longer, I set out alone
To all irrational design to roam
And leave you wondering how I stole
All illusions that you had control