Endless Stillness

Another day of hell has come and passed

And I’m still here.  Why am I still here?

Another day of endless waiting ended

I’m still sitting still, sitting still.

It’s so still.  It’s all still.

Another empty day has passed on by

Crying.

Let us out of this broken cycle

It’s all so still.  It’s all so still

Suffocating in this shame and guilt

Wondering how I got here

Wondering how to leave

Endlessly she keeps pushing at me

Endlessly she just wont go away

Endlessly the nights all end in brokenness I can’t overcome.
Another day of hell has come and passed

I’m still here.  Why am I still here?
Endlessly we wait in stillness for something to fall

I don’t know what it is, it just hasn’t happened yet

Someone once said this too shall pass, it’s never gone away

Life happens in cycles

I seem to recycle the same story over and over 

The heroine escaped, she finally ran away

Into the arms of tranny, where she ran back again

Someone still the sounds of madness crying through the night

We are all praying, we can’t stop praying

Reality is broken, do you even know who you are anymore?
Another day of hell has come and gone.

I’m still here. What am I doing here?

Faet & Fantasy : Breigh

Dashing about to complete her work on time, Kiena wasn’t entirely sure how she would still have time to change before the dinner.

Having successfully avoided the Winter Fae after that day, she was now faced with mandatory presence at the welcome dinner.

The colony at Raven’s Dell always had a welcoming dinner, and Kiena generally volunteered to decorate.  Her magic conjured joy, and she would spend countless hours enchanting table decorations to boost the mood.  Every once in a while frustration would show up and discolor the object she was enchanting.  It was tedious expressing joy for so long during mundane tasks.

This year, considering all she felt was melancholy and sadness, she did not volunteer to decorate.  In fact, with the manipulation of atmosphere sure to toy with her mood she felt no inclination to go either.

Sighing heavily, Kiena looked through her wardrobe to figure out what to wear.

The image of the winter fae smiling at her and shaking his head flashed in her memory, causing Kiena to flinch with embarrassment.

After a few moments she was dressed and ready to go.

Faet & Fantasy : Winter

The magnificent sound of a thousand fluttering wings melodiously echoed as the Winter Fae arrived at Raven Dell.

Kiena watched from her porch as the hosts of Raven Dell cheered.  The Lord of the colony took forearms with the Lady of the dell in welcome.

Bored with formalities, Kiena scanned the newcomers interested in how many there were this time.  She’d never paid a great deal of attention to the Winter Fae as she and Rynn took off on marvelous adventures more often than not prior to Acacia arriving.

Kiena found herself staring at one of the fae.  While she was looking him over, his eyes met hers.  Caught off guard by the piercing stare of blue eyes, Kiena looked immediately away.

Foolish move. She thought to herself glancing his way again.

His features were sharp and angular.  Shaggy black hair setting off his pale skin and blue eyes, with his sharp ears pointing out of his hair.  His wings were like crystal, tinted with lavender.  She only imagined his voice was just as glorious as his appearance.

His eyes trailed to hers.  He could feel her staring.  Hiding her cheeks from the coming flush, Kiena stood and went inside to hide from the embarrassment in being caught staring.  This last time she was sure he smirked and shook his head.

Her throat constricted nervously as she peaked through the narrow seam of her curtains hoping he wasn’t on to her, Kiena admitted she felt foolish hiding from him.  Maybe he would forget– though, she reminded herself, being the only one in her colony with black hair, Kiena stood out like a dandelion in a field of grass.

As the colony began to disperse to their seasonal homes, Kiena watched him fly across the way with a group of males.

He was single from what she could tell.  Perhaps she might consider getting to know him.

El Niño

A little boy emerged from the sea looking for his playmate.

Once he emerged, and the world welcomed him.

A second time, chaos ensued and the people scoffed.

They shook their fists at the sky, they threw their hands up in the air.  Some wept, others laughed.

Angry, the little boy confused their seasons, scattering the Winter in strange places.

Where piles should drift, there were none.

Where ice should be dripping, rain fell instead.

Frustrated the people continued to complain.

The little boy did not relent.

Meanwhile groundhogs everywhere laughed, playing with the boy as he ran through the fields and forests looking for his playmate.  Still she could not be found.

While Mother Nature slept her children were up to no good.

Faet & Fantasy : Dreaming

Kiena awoke with a start.  Breathing heavily she looked around her dark room honing in on reality.

“It was just a dream,” she whispered to herself sitting up.  Leaning back against the wall, she rubbed her brow.  Instant chill shook her, so she grabbed her shawl from beside her and wrapped it snuggly around her shoulders.

Rynn’s eyes were more intense everytime she dreamed of him.  That glance at her after she’d blessed him and Acacia.  They did not speak at his wedding, though she caught him looking at her.  It was a sad, sympathetic sort of look.  One that wished her as happy as he felt.

The concept cut at her.  To think she did not make him as happy as Acacia did brought fresh tears to Kiena’s eyes.

“What is wrong with me?”  Kiena beat her fist into her drawn knee.

Dawn was breaking.  Blue and grey began to glow out her window.  Her eyes drifted to it and she felt peace glint momentarily lifting  her heavy heart.

Tendrils of fog swirled slowly just beyond the glass.  Tiny crystals of ice had formed in a brilliant pattern on the bottom half of her circular four-paned window.

Kiena took a deep breath and settled deeper into the warming blankets.

Today the Winter Fae would arrive.

Maybe one of them are meant for me.

The thought caught Kiena off guard.  She shook her head hiding her face.  Not really sure why she should be embarrassed by her own thoughts when no one else was around.

Perhaps one with crystal blue eyes.

If she was going to entertain the thought, at least she’d make it pleasant.

“And sandy blonde hair,” she concluded the thought aloud.  “Who loves winter as much as I do.”

Rynn’s green eyes flashed in her mind again.  She curled tighter to fight against the image and the heartache brought with it.

This simply would not do.  If Kiena was ever going to recover from her sadness, she had to stand up and just do it.

So Kiena stood.  The winter bite reaching to her bones as she fumbled with the flint in her fireplace.

Faet and Fantasy : Kiena

Kiena circled the glen slowly, wrapped in thought.  Her eyes mindlessly scanning the flowers she buzzed past, her hair gently whisked at her face.  She held an arm behind her back, keeping her toes pointed to the ground while in flight. Instead of watching where she was going the fae started when fur collided with her face.

Grinby, her dearest fox friend barked in surprise.

“Oh, I apologize Grinby.”  Kiena spit fur from her mouth, pulling a strand of decent length from her tongue.

“You’ve been quite distracted lately, Kiena,” Grinby chuckled.

“I don’t mean to be.”  Her eyes stayed focused beyond the ground, her expression still blank.  “I’ve lost all sense of direction since they left.”

They being Rynn and Acacia.

Grinby offered a smile meant to comfort, though foxes rarely can look empathetic beyond their natural pointed scowl.  “I know my dear.  We all hate to see you like this.  Is there anything I can do?”

Kiena shook her head, her black curly tresses bouncing untamed with the motion.  Her empty eyes seemed to glisten as she quickly wiped her nose and looked away, “It wouldn’t help anyway, I’m fine.”  She sniffed once, smiling to Grinby without cheer.

Grinby nodded slowly, “Well, I was off to the cubs to bring in dinner.  If you need anything, you know where to find us.”

“Thank you,” Kiena said trying to appear sincere, though she knew it wasn’t working.

The fox left, and the faerie decided it best to try to head home.  Twilight began setting in, early though it was as winter approached.  A chilly wind gusted suddenly.  Kiena braced herself against it, welcoming the cold.  Soon she could shiver and others wouldn’t ask if she were alright.

And why did they ask anyway?  What could anyone do about it?

There was more silver lining to be thankful for, she reminded herself.  The winter fae would be migrating again, and no doubt they would take attention off of her for a few months so Kiena could finally mend her sullen mood.

Lit mushroom lanterns dotted the tiny village as she made it back to Raven Dell.  Some of the fae were out dancing at a festival of sorts near the top of the rocky face.  Perhaps it was a birthday for a youngling?

The image brought back the memory of Rynn and Acacia’s wedding.  It had been a lovely event.  Acacia had been a vision of a bride.  Her blonde hair shining like gold to offset her burgundy dress.  Rynn had not taken his eyes off her the entire night.  He was enchanted with the fae.

Tears blurred Kiena’s vision again and she quickly ducked inside her tiny home.

Her main room looked out into a cleft of the dell where she could watch passersby.  Tonight, she did not light the candle on her table, she simply went into her room and stretched out on the bed going instantly to sleep.

What Love is Abuse?

Which is better?

To be berated, blamed constantly for choices not your own?

To be neglected, questioning your worth?

Which is easier to overcome?

The mental anguish that riddles you with anxiety?

A twisted power play that rattles the cage you can’t escape from?

How delicate the balance that establishes our worth.

Tormented, forced to be reliant.  Dangling on broken strings!

Insufficient, forced to drown even when you were sitting still.

Who can allow such evils to exist in their brains, destroying the ones they love piece by piece?

Or is it love?  What IS love?

Anger at insufficiency, frustration at lack of progress, neither of these are love.

Berating and blame, neither of these are love.

Tearing down the worth of another, to mend your own inefficiencies, neither of these are love.

Abuses the world does not recognize as dangerous, these things kill even the strongest of people.  Their hands have not hit you, but their words will make your soul bleed