Over Soon

Tell me this is gonna pass

Tell me it’ll all be over soon

This is it.  I got away, made my escape

What happens next?

Where do I go from here?

I didn’t plan that far ahead

I did all I could just to survive

And now I’m looking through the glass

Discovering a world I never knew existed

There is light.  There is freedom. There is love.

But how can I truly deserve it?

Look at the road where I have been 

Look at all I came through

How can I be worthy of walking in light?

How can I be worthy of your love?

It’s comfortable to be here.

Comfortable to rest inside the hope

That maybe I might be free at last

No more pain or broken pieces

It’s hard to let them go.

Hard to trust in something Real for once.

It’s uncomfortable to fear the worst

It’s uncomfortable to think that I am worth it–

When until this point I have not been

I’m so imperfect.  I’m so broken.

The perfect trophy fell off of the shelf

And she shattered.

Every shard reminds me of the past

Each regret carved into my flesh.

But you say I’m everything.

That you want me.

How can this be?

Can someone truly want me, for me?

I know I make mistakes, I can name them all

I know one of them was him.

I know I destroyed myself

I’m so imperfect.

But if you can wait and see, this is not Me.

I know I’m someone else, and someone else is breaking out of Me.

This will all be over soon,

I will be stronger than ever I was before.

But that doesn’t mean that I am mended

It takes time to scar over, and scars never fade

I promise I’ll be back to normal soon

This will all finally be over soon

Faet & Fantasy : The Dinner

A slow gnawing sadness crept into Kiena’s heart.  She tried to fend the tears, offering a wisp of a smile to everyone she passed.  Hopefully none would pursue and tell her to be festive.

She felt anything but festive.  Even the orbs emitting joy from the tables and hanging decor did not reach her heart to boost the mood.  Why the sadness had settled over her so suddenly, she’d not yet determined.

Crossing the great lawn where they held feasts on the flat of the dell, Kiena hoped to find an empty table near the edge of the crowd.  She scanned quickly to determine which of the empty ones she wanted, feeling a sudden tap at her shoulder.

“Excuse me?” A male voice said.

Kiena turned, baffled to know who might have possibly wanted her attention.  “Yes?” She responded, trying to sound friendly.

It was the same fae she’d shared a brief glance with the day he’d arrived.  “I’m Breigh.  I couldn’t help notice you looking for a seat.”

The slant of his eyes, point of his ears, style of his hair– Kiena felt her heart melt just staring at the face before her.  Flustered, and a bit embarrassed trying not to gawk, Kiena nodded, “I am.  I was going to sit over there.”

He seemed to notice she was staring, “Would you care to join us instead?” His hand stretched out to the table behind him where five others were talking and laughing.

She felt herself blink several times in her surprise to the request, “Sure.” Kiena smiled, walking over to the table with Breigh.

“Friends,” Breigh acknowledged, “this lovely young sprite has agreed to join us.  Your name, mi’lady?”

Blushing, Kiena laughed, “Oh, yes.  How silly of me to forget.  I’m Kiena.”

“Welcome, Kiena!” One of the females exclaimed brightly.  “Come sit.”

The unexpected exuberance of the winter fae at the table energized Kiena and made her forget her sadness for a few moments.  A seat was open next to Breigh and she sat as he introduced his friends around the table starting with the one next to him, and ending with the one next to her.

“Kiena, meet Dax, Jordi, Düne, Loreghlyn, and Capra.”  Breigh pushed her chair in and then took his own seat.

Capra smiled broadly, “Tell us of you, Kiena.”

Kiena wasn’t used to having attention put on her, and she certainly did not wish to have it now.  “I’m not all that interesting, though I enjoy dabbling with growth and emotions.”

“You seemed to emanate sadness earlier.  A lovely fae such as yourself shouldn’t be sad with such fun to be had.”  Dax beamed, drumming his fingers in rhythm on the table, “Do you dance, Kiena?”

Kiena nodded timidly, “I do, I haven’t in some time though.”

“Broken heart.” Jordi winked at her.  His smile gentle, “Figured it out.”

Everyone at the table groaned, as though they hadn’t figured it out first.

“What?  Figured what out?”  Kiena felt her cheeks blush.

Loreghlyn chuckled, “Ignore them, what else do you do, Kiena?”

Lately all Kiena seemed to do was mope.  She tried to think of a pass time she used to enjoy, but none stuck out, “I bless others.  It’s not exciting really.”  The image of Rynn flashed in her mind.

“I find it exciting.”  Dax winked at her again.  He looked at the others, “Imagine the energy it takes to do that all the time.”

Kiena had to admit she’d never considered the amount of energy it took to cheer others up from time to time.

Breigh nudged her arm, “You’re doing it again.”  He leaned in, speaking to just her.

“What?  What am I doing?” Kiena questioned with puzzlement.

“Emanating sadness.  Feast!  Laugh!  Be merry, my friend.  Tonight you have no room at this table for ailments.”  He winked, lifting his cup out so she might clank it with hers.

Kiena smiled sadly, tapping the brim of his cup with hers, her heart a flustered tangle of knots.

The night was fun, and Breigh gave her undivided attention through the whole evening.  The image of his face seared into her memory  and remained as her eyes closed in bed that night, falling into a deep, peaceful sleep.

Caught Daydreaming

Our eyes meet through the glass.  My heart skips and tension constricts my throat.

Flustered I stand silently beside you, as though we are old friends and this is not the first we meet.

I wonder what you think, desiring to know everything filling your mind.

Nervous, awkward, I fish for words.  Irony, being a wordsmith with none on my tongue.

Desperately I wish to just stare at you.  Study you.  Take you in.  Memorize every detail as you sit across the table, before moving to my side.

Under scrutiny, I do not stare.  I hold my breath finding words for the first time -though, they do not flow as I might wish.

Amid the constant distraction, I am aware of warmth.  You are there beside me.  It is real.

Every little detail swirls in a fog of delightful memory.  Memories to recall forever.

A gentle guiding press, directing as we walk.  When we stop your eyes pierce my soul, sending electricity through my chest.  I have never known a “spark”.  Who knew they felt like lightning?

Is this how Imprinting should feel?  Searing into my chest forever the wondrous desire for you?

Endless Stillness

Another day of hell has come and passed

And I’m still here.  Why am I still here?

Another day of endless waiting ended

I’m still sitting still, sitting still.

It’s so still.  It’s all still.

Another empty day has passed on by

Crying.

Let us out of this broken cycle

It’s all so still.  It’s all so still

Suffocating in this shame and guilt

Wondering how I got here

Wondering how to leave

Endlessly she keeps pushing at me

Endlessly she just wont go away

Endlessly the nights all end in brokenness I can’t overcome.
Another day of hell has come and passed

I’m still here.  Why am I still here?
Endlessly we wait in stillness for something to fall

I don’t know what it is, it just hasn’t happened yet

Someone once said this too shall pass, it’s never gone away

Life happens in cycles

I seem to recycle the same story over and over 

The heroine escaped, she finally ran away

Into the arms of tranny, where she ran back again

Someone still the sounds of madness crying through the night

We are all praying, we can’t stop praying

Reality is broken, do you even know who you are anymore?
Another day of hell has come and gone.

I’m still here. What am I doing here?

Faet & Fantasy : Breigh

Dashing about to complete her work on time, Kiena wasn’t entirely sure how she would still have time to change before the dinner.

Having successfully avoided the Winter Fae after that day, she was now faced with mandatory presence at the welcome dinner.

The colony at Raven’s Dell always had a welcoming dinner, and Kiena generally volunteered to decorate.  Her magic conjured joy, and she would spend countless hours enchanting table decorations to boost the mood.  Every once in a while frustration would show up and discolor the object she was enchanting.  It was tedious expressing joy for so long during mundane tasks.

This year, considering all she felt was melancholy and sadness, she did not volunteer to decorate.  In fact, with the manipulation of atmosphere sure to toy with her mood she felt no inclination to go either.

Sighing heavily, Kiena looked through her wardrobe to figure out what to wear.

The image of the winter fae smiling at her and shaking his head flashed in her memory, causing Kiena to flinch with embarrassment.

After a few moments she was dressed and ready to go.

Faet & Fantasy : Winter

The magnificent sound of a thousand fluttering wings melodiously echoed as the Winter Fae arrived at Raven Dell.

Kiena watched from her porch as the hosts of Raven Dell cheered.  The Lord of the colony took forearms with the Lady of the dell in welcome.

Bored with formalities, Kiena scanned the newcomers interested in how many there were this time.  She’d never paid a great deal of attention to the Winter Fae as she and Rynn took off on marvelous adventures more often than not prior to Acacia arriving.

Kiena found herself staring at one of the fae.  While she was looking him over, his eyes met hers.  Caught off guard by the piercing stare of blue eyes, Kiena looked immediately away.

Foolish move. She thought to herself glancing his way again.

His features were sharp and angular.  Shaggy black hair setting off his pale skin and blue eyes, with his sharp ears pointing out of his hair.  His wings were like crystal, tinted with lavender.  She only imagined his voice was just as glorious as his appearance.

His eyes trailed to hers.  He could feel her staring.  Hiding her cheeks from the coming flush, Kiena stood and went inside to hide from the embarrassment in being caught staring.  This last time she was sure he smirked and shook his head.

Her throat constricted nervously as she peaked through the narrow seam of her curtains hoping he wasn’t on to her, Kiena admitted she felt foolish hiding from him.  Maybe he would forget– though, she reminded herself, being the only one in her colony with black hair, Kiena stood out like a dandelion in a field of grass.

As the colony began to disperse to their seasonal homes, Kiena watched him fly across the way with a group of males.

He was single from what she could tell.  Perhaps she might consider getting to know him.

El Niño

A little boy emerged from the sea looking for his playmate.

Once he emerged, and the world welcomed him.

A second time, chaos ensued and the people scoffed.

They shook their fists at the sky, they threw their hands up in the air.  Some wept, others laughed.

Angry, the little boy confused their seasons, scattering the Winter in strange places.

Where piles should drift, there were none.

Where ice should be dripping, rain fell instead.

Frustrated the people continued to complain.

The little boy did not relent.

Meanwhile groundhogs everywhere laughed, playing with the boy as he ran through the fields and forests looking for his playmate.  Still she could not be found.

While Mother Nature slept her children were up to no good.