Dry Wells

I don’t feel like a writer lately.

I don’t even feel like a “Christian” lately.

My motivation feels as though it fell into the black hole in the sea.

great-blue-hole-at-belize

Right there.  Swallowing all of me whole.

Life with littles has taken me over, and I attend the needs of children all day long.  Losing focus on the things I love, and the things I very much need to do.

I’m not crazy brilliant, with unending knowledge to tell you how to write. I don’t have tips and tricks, I simply write when the story is alive in my brain-watching it play like a movie. And when the scene closes, I stop writing.

The desire to write is a roller coaster affair. The swells and urges come and go, and you ride them one hill at a time. Each crescendo feels more exciting than the last– until you hit the low points. And my god, are they low.

Doubt, self-loathing, “why would anyone want to read me anyway? I’m a fraud.”
Driving us to drink, because we aren’t committed to the pen as William Shakespear might have been. Brilliance one poetic play at a time! Surely that man had it together.

It’s really pretty black and white.
You write? You’re a writer.
You’re published? You’re an author.

You. Are. Real. No matter if you’re in a mountain of a block, or an ant hill. The words will always be locked in your heart, you were destined to think them. The urge will always be in your mind. You were destined to hear them.
If the words can’t hit the paper, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
It means you need a break. And not from writing-you’re already on a break from writing. ((Blocked, break, same thing….))
Life is just as much a roller coaster of swells and crescendos.
If your writing causes you to miss out on the precious, fleeting moments Life offers-you’re writing for the wrong reason.
Step out into Awareness. Feel life. Enjoy it. Watch your kids grow. Watch your nephews and nieces grow. Love your family. Live in Today.
Tomorrow has enough worries of it’s own.

Jesus Christ said “Do not worry about tomorrow. For tomorrow will worry about itself.”
Hinduism, Buddism, Christianity and Judaism, all of us can agree to be Ever Present in Today.

Take little steps at a time, and before you know it, you’ll end up at the otherside of the room.

……I don’t even remember how this blog started or where I was going with it.
In the end, I’m glad it presented a simple message. Today is worth living for.

Earlier I said to my husband, “No time like the past to regret the present.”
It was a tongue in cheek joke at the time, but now I see how profound it was.

Good talk. Perhaps one of these days I’ll have more insight.

I’m sure most of you have forgotten I exist, and thanks to my second child and lapse in The Ranger of Severum, I’m pretty sure you guys aren’t even interested in the next episode either.
It’s going to be good…. when it gets off it’s feet.
Meanwhile in Eldegras, I am muddling through the first draft at a very slow pace. Paul gave me deadlines to help work towards publishing. I’m aiming for them but life has been RIDICULOUS. I hope April is slower. I’m tired of turning around to find the month is over and I have nothing to show for it.

How about you? How are you doing?
Are you reading my blog?
Is there anything I should do different?
Leave me a comment. Chat with me. I’d like to get to know my readers 🙂

Advertisements

One thought on “Dry Wells

  1. Hey there my friend,

    I know the feelings you have here, perhaps a bit too well. I’ve also been in a writing rut of late, with little to nothing to show for it, and haven’t felt like a Christian in years, quite possibly because I no longer count myself among their number.

    Between me and my wife being in school full time, working full time at a fairly demanding job (awesome position and job though, I love what I do), and trying to help my wife with housekeeping, her school and the kiddos when I’m off (keep in mind my daughter is in little league softball), I wonder often what the hell I’m thinking.

    Never at a shortage for a word of encouragement when you’re doing what others think you should, however, as I often hear things like, “Don’t worry, just finish your degree and it’ll all be downhill from there,” or “Just focus on school, the rest will sort itself out.” At the end of the day, they understand nothing of the writer’s mind, and so many iterations of this clichéd tribble is what I get, and ultimately what I wish to beat them with…

    The cold reality is that there isn’t enough hours in a day. I rarely, if ever, have time to read (aside from the mind-numbing textbook), and I find myself missing my world and characters. I think they’re as anxious as I in getting to meet the world.

    At any rate, just know you’re not alone, and while the consolation one might glean from that is nigh useless, at least you’re in good company.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s